Tag: Grace

Making room for Jesus

September 4, 2009
Body of ChristGraceLove
1 Comment

In his book, “The Wounded Healer,” Henri Nouwen has encouraged me to claim my own loneliness as a source for human understanding (85) where “a deep understanding of [my] own pain makes it possible for [me] to convert [my] weakness into strength and to offer [my] own experience as a source of healing to those who are often lost in the darkness of their own misunderstood suffering” (87). The Lord has definitely been drawing me into a season of surrender and invitation. On the one hand, He has been leading me to surrender to His purposes for my life while, on the other hand, He has been encouraging me to invite more of His healing and loving presence into my heart and life: to really press into His amazing grace and unconditional love that He extends to all people.

But, oftentimes, I allow my insecurities, fears and loneliness steer the decisions for my life, rather than the Spirit of God. So, instead of allowing God to lead and guide me through life, I am lead by this internal editor, this control freak, who would rather steer me into hiding or a ditch, than surrender control to God. But, here’s the Good News, our inner control freak has been crucified with Christ. Galatians 2:20 says, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me…” When I took the time to meditate on this verse and really let this reality sink into my heart, it has been freeing. Because I have been crucified with Christ, this means so has my inner control freak. This means I no longer have to let him (meaning the sum of my insecurities, fears and loneliness) run my life. The more I’ve meditated on this verse, the more I am convinced that Jesus is passionate about living His life in and through us by setting us free into the Father’s will for our lives.

Over the past few weeks I’ve had the opportunity to be part of AXIS (the 20something ministry at Willow Creek Community Church) where I’ve had the opportunity to meet some pretty amazing people who are completely sold out for Jesus and passionate about living a gospel lifestyle. It just so happened that they decided to do a video blog series on singleness (this links to the first video in the series). Imagine that. All of video spoke to me in different ways. It definitely was good timing. But, the one thing that I really took away from this series was the need to be part of a community where a person can be fully known and fully loved: a place where I can share the messiness of my life and not be judged, but loved. Doesn’t your heart yearn for a community like this? I know mine does.

But, in order to become part of a community like this, I need to make room in my heart and life for these relationships to enter in (surrender and invitation). Again, I am drawn back to Galatians 2:20. Because Jesus is passionate about living His life in and through us, I believe this means we need to consciously making room for Him in our relationships (because where else do we treasure people, but in our hearts). The more I make room for Jesus to live His life in and through me, the more He will draw me into deeper relationship with the Father and the more He will draw me into a community where I can be fully known and fully loved.

Spark the Flame

August 14, 2009
GospelJesusTruth
1 Comment

Right now, a good friend of mine is riding 1400 miles on his bicycle (from Chicago, IL to Bozeman, MT), in order to raise money for the Firehouse Community Arts Center in the westside neighborhood of Lawndale in Chicago. While on this massive trek he has been blogging along the way and while in Blunt, SD he was inspired to blog about marijuana which I have copied portions of here. Enjoy!

Smoking marijuana may be good medicine for physically sick people, but let’s let the doctors make that determination. The majority of today’s youth are not smoking marijuana because they are physically sick. They are smoking it to get high. They are not using and developing the gifts God has given them; they are wasting their talents and time getting high.

Should marijuana be legalized? That’s a bigger debate with several matters to consider on both sides. But legal ot not, even if it is permissible, it isn’t good (1 Cor 6:12). Is it better than alcohol and the alcohol-related crimes that are committed? Probably. Better than smoking cigarettes? Maybe. Is stabbing somebody in the arm better than shooting them in the face? Sure it is. Still doesn’t make it right or good.

A talented young man has expressed to me recently that the marijuana-smoking community is a peace-loving group. It may be true that the marijuana-smoking community is a peaceful group in some ways, and if so, I believe their desire for peace is good. But real peace is not smoked. Getting high is a fleeting pleasure that creates a false experience of relaxation. It is not real peace. The peace that we desire is peace and rest in our soul which only comes through the work of God in our heart. That is real peace.

If you want that kind of peace, you best go to the Prince of Peace (Is. 9:6). “My peace I give to you,” said Jesus (John 14:27). “In me you may have peace,” said Jesus (John 16:33). “We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,” said Paul (Rom. 5:1). “To set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace” (Rom.8:6). “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” Gal. 5:22). “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Got peace? Get Jesus

Also, God has never promised this life would be a constant state of peace and ease. There is a purpose to our trials and suffering (Rom. 5:3; James 1:2; Col. 1:24; Jer 1-29). There are lessons we need to learn when our poor decisions disrupt peace (Heb. 12:10-11). There is a refinement of our character that is lost when we manufacture a life of sensual ease and false peace.

All I have to say is: “Well said friend.” The world needs more people like my friend Cliff who’s not afraid to say what’s on his heart. People who have a genuine passion to see people set free from drug addiction and living out their lives to the maximum of their God given potential. His words are saturated with grace and love, but they are also faithful and true to the gospel that seeks to magnify and exalt God. His words are God-centered, rather than a me-centered anything goes prosperity gospel.

Undivided Focus

July 28, 2009
GraceJesussurrender
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Over the last few weeks as I have been journeying deeper into the Father’s heart. I’ve come to realize that I really enjoy the freedom to pursue God whenever and wherever I choose. I’ve been able to give this pursuit to experience the depths of the Father’s love my undivided focus. Now, if I had a wife and kids I probably wouldn’t have been able to devote so much time to this quest because as Paul discerningly explains: my family and the responsibility of leading and caring for them would take up a good portion of my time (1 Corinthians 7:32ff). Spending time with other people’s families has reminded me of this reality. So, long story short, I am learning to embrace the blessing of singleness. Does this mean that God has blessed me with singleness? Maybe.

To be honest, I’ve been avoiding this question for at least the last three years because I was afraid of the answer. On the one hand, I’ve burned with passion and on the other hand, I’ve feared being alone. But as my relationship with God has deepened and matured many of my youthful passions have exhausted themselves and I’ve become more comfortable with being alone because I’ve become more confident in my identity in Christ. Sure, there is still a loneliness in my heart, but over the years the Lord has become more and more my portion which has quelled this loneliness. I have come to cherish and even be satisfied with our time together by allowing His love to be enough for me.  

On deeper reflection, I really do spend most of my day being actively in love with Jesus. Rarely, is there a moment in the day that I don’t feel the Holy Spirit’s presence. From the time I wake up, He is on my heart. In the shower, He is in my thoughts. Whenever I eat, I am thankful for His faithful provisions in my life. When I exercise, He is there cheering and pushing me forward. Anytime I am outside, I stand amazed at the intricacies of creation and again He is in my thoughts. Work plays a big part in my worship to God because He builds Christlike character in me through it while giving me the opportunity to be salt and light to people. And, it is when I am around people that His presence is so very near to me because I feel His deep love for those with whom I am in relationship with. Then, at the end of the day, He is there again helping me take off the day’s burdens so that I may rest in Him.

Jesus has slowly become my all and all. My whole life now revolves around Him and to be honest: I’m not sure I want that to change. Does this mean that God has blessed me with singleness? I’m afraid to say yes, but the more I reflect on this the more I see that He has. So, maybe it’s time I accepted and pressed into this, instead of running from it. Even as I type this, I get this sense that I am surrendering into gain and not loss (though it feels like loss right now). If you’re reading this pray for me: pray that I would grieve well and that I would embrace the joy of surrender in the coming weeks. Peace to you and yours.

Child of God

July 1, 2009
GospelGraceJesusLove
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I am going to take a slight detour from the current direction of this blog (I will revisit it at a later date) because I feel like I need to set aside the systematic approach to Scripture and spend the next season just enjoying being a child of God. To spend time basking in the the unconditional love of the Father. It’s funny, I’ve always identified myself with the wayward younger son who runs away in the parable of the “Prodigal Son” (Luke 15). But, after finishing seminary and being involved in ministry these past years, I’ve now in many ways assumed the role of the dutiful older son. I am sadden to have to confess this, but I’ve slowly begun to make God’s love conditional. To put it plainly, I’ve begun to love people for what they do and not for who they are. In my heart I’ve begun to love people only when they are obedient to God. Forgive me Lord.

Maybe it’s because I’ve spent the last four years rigorously studying the Word of God. Maybe it’s because I’ve spent the last four years laboring tirelessly for the Church. It’s probably a combination of both, but regardless, this hardness of heart that wants to tame and restrain the wild, unrelenting, overgenerous, foolishly extravangant, unconditional love that God lavishes on sinners and saints alike is unacceptable and sinful. I trust God is definitely not done with me and I have faith that this is part of my sanctification. So, I am going to spend the next couple months soaking in God’s unconditional love as His beloved child. I’m not going to get overly technical in my blogging and I’m going to scale down on my service to the Body of Christ (the work will get done with or without me). I am grateful that God has mercifully intervened when He has and that His grace is always extended to me, even when I am unawares. A Scripture passage that comforts me is Isaiah 49:15: “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!”

  captivated-lyrics

Thank you Lord. This song is my prayer. Captivate me Lord Jesus. Captivate me.

Into Completion…

May 26, 2009
GraceRedemption
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I was riding in my sister-in-law’s car (in Texas) the other day and saw a bird catch a junebug in midair. Junebugs are pretty large, so it was really easy to see all the action go down (even though it was literally like a few seconds). I saw a junebug flying just to the right of the car when all of a sudden this bird comes swooping in like a missle. But, right at the last moment the bird pulls up and flutters in midair in order to nimbly pluck the junebug out of the air. I was really quite amazed at the deftness of the bird. It looked like the whole moment was choreographed. I even thought to myself, “Wow, that was amazing. I can’t believe I just got to see that happen.” Right in that moment, the Holy Spirit put this thought in my mind – “You are getting a glimpse into how God delights in His creation.”

On further reflection, I realized that the bird was doing exactly what it was created to do and that God delights in watching His creation act and be how He created them to act and be. Of course, I immediately related that to myself and began asking myself: “How closely am I acting and being how God created me to act and be?”

At first, I was like, now do I really want to go down this road because let’s face it, I’m complicated. Doesn’t God’s Word say that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). But, then again, I’m not sure the psalmist means that we are complicated in the sense that I am using the word. I’m complicated because my brokenness makes me hide, deny and lie. Though I’d like to think that I’m low maintenance, I imagine from God’s perspective, I am definitely high maintenance. But, I must never forget that because I am in Christ, God sees me and loves me as His child (1 John 3:1). He’s even given me the Holy Spirit to remind me of this (Romans 8:16). God is love (1 John 4:8,16) and He is patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4) with me. But He also disciplines me as any Father would their child (Hebrews 12:7-11).

But, back to the question at hand, “How closely do I act and be how God created me to act and be?” I really don’t think that this is a question that has a simple answer (but here goes). Initially, because of sin, I’d have to say no, not by a long shot. But, because of God’s grace and the redemptive work that He has begun in me in Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit, I’d have to say, “getting closer, day by day.” Philippians 1:6 says that God will finish the good work He’s begun in us (which includes me): His work of restoration, so that we will act and be more like He originally created us to act and be.  And that He will carry us into completion: This completion Paul is talking about is that one day I (we) will be just like Jesus (1 John 3:2), who is an example of humanity without sin (Hebrews 4:15).

So, instead of letting my fallen propensity for perfectionism lead me to micromanaging my sanctification (I’m pretty sure that’s not Paul means when he says to “work out your salvation with fear and trembling” Philippians 2:12). I am learning to embrace more of God’s grace everyday by doing what little I can each day in surrendering my will to God. I am learning that restoration is a lifelong process and that I need to have a realistic and sober-minded view in this as God is continually purifying my heart of sinful patterns. But, I also need to be doing all I can in guarding my heart (Proverbs 4:23). So, how am I acting and being as God originally created me to act and be? Because of Jesus – closer and closer everyday!

Grace in process

May 21, 2009
GospelGrace
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When will my behavior catch up to my status in Christ? I am constantly feeling like I’ve missed the bus for school,  the school of eternal life where the Holy Spirit reminds me of all of Jesus’ teachings (John 14:26), because I’ve overslept. I long for my life to be a sweet aroma to God, that He would be pleased with my sacrifice of praise (Hebrews 13:15). I long for the actions of life to be pleasing to God. But, then I’ll get sidetracked with selfish pursuits or lax into complacency. More and more, Paul’s words describe my life: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Romans 7:15). My desire is that the actions of my life, my behavior, would reflect the reality of my blameless status in Christ. Is that asking too much?

I know that I need to give myself grace because I am still in process. But, my present reality frustrates me. My pride that refuses to accept where the Lord has me in the process of my sanctification has an even harder time accepting God’s grace. My pride wants to work out its own plan of blamelessness, rather than stand upon Christ’s work of redemption. But, then I read verses like: “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight” (Ephesians 1:4); “He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 1:8); and I am reminded that it’s not all up to me, that God is with me through it all and that He will carry me through into completion (Philippians 1:6). I often feel like my behavior has a long way to go before it matches my status of blamelessness. But, then again maybe that’s the best place to be because it humbles me to seek more of God’s grace. Soli Deo Gloria.

The truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth

May 18, 2009
GospelGrace
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Lately, I’ve been asking myself this question: “What is it that I live for?” This has challenged me to really think through my currently lifestyle without any filters or rationalizations: to be just plain honest with myself. This is definitely easier said than done because of my desire to “halo effect” my life. Halo effecting likes to bend reality a bit in order to make ourselves feel better about ourselves by stretching and exaggerating our better traits and actions. Halo effecting makes broad sweeping evaluations of people based on their more positive traits and then builds on these traits by superimposing them onto other areas of a person’s life and character which may or may not deserve the accolade. The way that I see it, halo effecting is directly connected to our shame. Shame seems to always want to paint ourselves in a better light than what is actually true.

In many ways, hiding is a component of halo effecting. It makes us hide from God, others, even ourselves. We see this from the very beginning with Adam and Eve. Their shame made them hide (Genesis 3:7, 10). I don’t know about you, but I am an expert at hiding. When I ignore my limitations and failings, I am hiding. I’d much rather focus on my strengths, rather than my weaknesses (who doesn’t). If it were up to me, I’d ignore my weaknesses all together by pretending that I didn’t have any in the first place. We’d all much rather project to the world that we have it all together. But again, is this reality? Or does this create a kind of alternate reality, even a non-reality where I live more artificial than authentic? Living this way hinders us from being present with the Lord and also works against the transformation that God wants to bring to our lives.

Halo effecting blinds us to the reality that maybe we aren’t as great as we think we are or like others to believe we are. Now don’t misunderstand me here, I’m not saying that we should have a negative, defeatist or fatalistic view of ourselves. What I am saying is that we need to have a realistic view of ourselves. To soberly see ourselves both in the light of our fallenness and in the light of God’s redemptive grace. But, when we begin to ignore that we are limited, we also ignore the reality that we are in need God’s redemptive grace which only perpetuates a distorted view of ourselves. Because of our fallenness, we all have this innate proclivity to want to project a better image of ourselves to others, to ourselves, even God. Whenever I feel the desire to halo effect my life, I remind myself that God loves me unconditionally (John 3:16; Romans 5:8), that He is my strong tower (Prov 18:10), that He is my fortress of faith (Ps 18:2) and that He is my divine warrior (Rev 19:11-16). Truly, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

What is it that you live for?

Here’s a quote from John Bunyun: “If my life is fruitless, it doesn’t matter who praises me, and if my life is fruitful, it doesn’t matter who criticizes me.” Reading this quote has helped to bring some clarity to my musings about my life. It has helped me to realize that a fruitful life will speak for itself (as will a fruitless life). It has also inspired me to simply seek what Jesus says is worth committing my life to and to just seek being faithful to God and leaving all the results up to Him.

Living the Dream of Amazing Grace

May 14, 2009
GraceHope
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I will be attending my last official class of seminary tomorrow. It has been a long arduous four years, but I will have finished all the coursework for the Master’s of Divinity degree at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. I truly am amazed at where God has taken me. Twenty years ago (1989), I was just beginning my journey into the drug lifestyle. Fifteen years ago (1994), I was hopelessly addicted to cocaine and soon to be heroin, ecstasy and speed. Ten years ago (1999), on the verge of despair, God entered my life. A year later Jesus becomes my Savior and Lord and I am filled with the Holy Spirit. Five years ago (2004), I finally become comfortable in the Body of Christ. A year later I enter seminary and here I am today, writing a blog on a website dedicated to praying for those struggling with drug addiction. In many ways you could say that I have come full circle.

Whenever life begins to overwhelm me, it helps for me to think back about just where God plucked me from. How His Spirit came into the deep darkness that was my life and brought me into His loving light. Whenever my pride rises up trying to claim glory for itself, it helps for me to remind myself that the target age that I was living for was 30, if I made to 30, life accomplished. It truly is only because of Jesus that I am alive today. Whenever I reach a place of discouragement where thinking back on God’s faithfulness in my own life isn’t enough to break me out of my funk, a scene from Jesus’ life serendipitously flickers through my mind.

It’s just after Jesus teaches the masses that He is the Bread of Life (John 6). Many of those who hear Him have a really hard time grasping what Jesus is saying and what happens is that many people begin to complain that the teaching is just too hard to understand and start leaving. So, Jesus turns to the twelve disciples and asks them if they want to go as well. But, Simon Peter tells him: “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God” (vv.68, 69). Peter’s words give me great comfort because they remind me that no matter how hard life may get or how difficult this journey of faith may be or how painful surrender becomes. If I really think about it, where else am I to go? Back into the world? No, been there and done that – the world holds nothing for me. Jesus has the very words of eternal life: His words have the power to bring me into eternity and eternity into me. “There is no other place for me, but at the feet of Jesus.”

Now, if you asked me anytime in my life if, I ever thought I’d be here right now in this moment, saying those words. I’d have to say “No.” Never in my wildest dreams (and I have had some doozies) would I have ever dreamt of this very moment, which makes it all the more incredible that: I am truly living this dream of amazing grace. My life is a living testimony to the grace and mercy of God and because of this, embodies the Gospel. As Paul stated about his own life, so I: “But whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me—and not without results. For I have worked harder than any of the other apostles; yet it was not I but God who was working through me by his grace” (1 Corinthians 15:10 NLT). Go God!

learning to embrace weakness

May 1, 2009
GraceJesusRedemption
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Since Jesus saved me, He has been saying these words to me: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Now on this journey of faith, I haven’t ever really grasped the deepness of these words. Because if I had, I’d understand that wrapped up in this short truth statement is eternal protection and hope and at the core of Jesus’ words is the power of redemption. Now don’t get me wrong, over the years I’ve tried my best to walk these words out, but until recently (by God’s grace) I’ve come to realize that for the most part, I’ve been clueless. It’s funny, you’d think I’d be upset or disappointed, but I actually feel encouraged. Maybe its because I am finally understanding that 1) it’s not up to me to clear the path before me, but only to trust that Jesus is ever before me paving the way; and that 2) He is ever behind me cleaning up the mess that I make of things in my attempts to serve Him; and that 3) He is ever with me guiding me along through life as He prepares me to be with Him for all eternity. The more I embrace my weakness, the closer that Jesus draws me close.

Maybe, it’s just taken 10 years to sink deep enough into my heart where the way I live and plan my life is beginning to reflect this truth. These days, I’m not as worried about things as I was before and I’m especially not as worried of what other people may think of me. This has been so freeing. It’s like I’ve reached this place in my journey of faith where my desire to be faithful to God has grown greater than my desire to be make a name for myself. Let me explain. When I am concerned about making a name for myself I am more apt to: 1) seek other people’s approval; 2) be more concerned about my image; and 3) spend time worrying about the future. But, when my sole concern is about being faithful to Jesus, everything changes because I am then able to be more present with Him and can respond to Him from moment to moment. It’s not that I don’t make plans for the future, but that I entrust my future plans to Him and this makes me more available to Jesus in the day to day. It’s when I am distracted by my own personal ambitions and aspirations that God’s voice in my life fades which is a tragedy. A song that always ministers to me is “Above All Else” by Vicky Beeching. This song helps to bring me back to the reality that at the end of the day: It’s not about what I do for Jesus or about how He blesses or doesn’t bless me, but about Jesus Himself.

  above-all-else-lyrics

It’s in moments like this that the Holy Spirit brings me back to the simplest of truths where He refocuses my attentions back to where they should be: on the joy of spending time with Jesus, our wonderful and beautiful Savior King.