Tag: Grace

“he’s a bit tore up, but he’ll fly true”

March 17, 2010
callingGraceRedemption
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A verse of Scripture that encourages and touches every part of my being is 2 Corinthians 4:7: “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”The reason I like this verse so much is that it not only takes into account my brokenness, but also my redemption. Just recently I was watching a movie and this line came streaming through, “She’s a bit tore up, but she’ll fly true.” He was taking about the plane they were flying, but how this line impacted me was that it made me long to hear God say this about me: “He’s a bit tore up, but he’ll fly true.” Again, the reason being is that it’s honest. I am a bit tore up (broken), but I will fly true (redeemed).

In our frailty, the very power of God is manifested. The more I embrace my brokenness (the reality that I am a jar of clay) the more I will realize just how precious and amazing this treasure that I have within me is (the reality that I am redeemed). So what is this treasure? If we look back to the second half of 2 Corinthians 4:4, we will see it: The treasure is “the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” Paul contrasts this with the expression jars of clay which would be familiar to the Corinthians because pottery was an everyday item. It could be found everywhere because it was used by the common person. We, just like the Corinthians have either seen or even used a ceramic pot of some sort. And if you have, you know that they hold water really well and are useful for many things, but that they are also easily broken.

Now, the connection that Paul wants to make here is that just like jars of clay, human beings are just as fragile and easily broken. Now I don’t know about you, but I can understand and relate to that. If you’ve ever held a baby you know what I’m talking about, or if you’ve ever broken a bone or know someone who has, you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve ever been in any kind of relationship then you know what I’m talking about because we are fragile beings and our hearts and bodies feel pain. But just as Paul marveled, we too should also marvel, because we have an amazing God who has entrusted us, weak vessels, with the treasure of the gospel of God’s glory that is revealed in Jesus. According to this verse, God does this to show that it is His all-surpassing power that is at work in all of us. To be more specific, the power that Paul is talking about is the divine power that enables him to preach the gospel while persevering through personal hardships and trials. Phew! I don’t know about you, but I am glad to hear that because it takes all the pressure off of us and frees us up to speak and be truth, life and love to people.

I believe with all my heart that God has called every believer to do great and amazing things for His Kingdom. But this means that we will have to lean into this power of God within us to 1) be the Gospel to strangers, friends and family and to 2) persevere through the hardships and trials that will come our way because of this. What helps me when I get fearful or discouraged is remembering that I don’t have to do this alone, but that God is always with me. He has given us His Holy Spirit to not only comfort us, but to also empower us with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control and has also lavished us with some pretty awesome supernatural gifts. “Though I am a bit tore up, I will fly true” because the same Spirit that rose Jesus from the dead is also living within me.

TRUE ✞= ♥ LOVE

March 8, 2010
GospelGraceJesusLoveRedemption
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God is love (1 John 4:16) and if Jesus is the exact representation of God (Hebrews 1:3) then Jesus also is love. So, His agreeing to go to the Cross for the sins of the world must be seen as a free act of unconditional love, both towards the Father and Mankind: ✞= ♥. 

I am longing more and more to love like Jesus. The deeper Holy Spirit takes me into Father’s heart, the greater the desire I have for selfless love. Just the other day, I was in the shower singing worship songs to God and praying (for me, showering the dirt off my body is always a good physical reminder of the spiritual reality that God is continually purifying my heart) when I felt Holy Spirit ask me: ” Are you satisfied with how you love people?” When I heard the question, I almost began to cry because truth be told, I’m not. I am so aware of my weak love and the desire to want to prove my love. But, true love is bold and never feels the need to prove itself because true love is secure and loves without question. True love just loves. That’s the kind of love that I see Jesus modelling when I read the Gospels. He engaged in relationships that transformed people: True love compels a person to risk and endure beyond themselves.

Prayerful intercession is an example of true love in action. When I pray for others, I am sacrificing my time (both with God and others) in order to cry out to God on behalf of another. Let me explain, I see prayer as a time to let God directly love on me. So, oftentimes I will spend most of my prayer time alone before God with an open heart and a quiet mind,  eagerly listening for His Words of grace and to feel His heart towards me. So, when I spend time in intercession for others, I sacrifice my time with God (where He loves on me) and with others (because I am alone). That’s why I believe there needs to be a good blend of talking with and listening to God. My times of listening fuel my intercession. The more that I understand God’s heart and mind towards me, the way He feels and thinks about me, the greater this increases my capacity for true love. His love sets my heart free.

I need to constantly remind myself that God knows all the burdens in my heart and life and that God not only loves me, but He likes me, too! He loves spending time with me. This is not to say that I don’t spend time telling Him my burdens, but I find it much easier to be in constant communication with God throughout my day, rather then at set times. When a situation arises I don’t wait to tell God about it later, I let Him know right there what’s going on with me in the moment and oftentimes I will ask Him to  intervene. So, in the moments that I actually get to be alone with God, I spend that time listening. I trust that He has heard every prayer offered to Him, either vocally, mentally or within my heart alone, so far in my day. I try to remember that God is God and that He does hear all my thoughts and heart cries and so I wait to hear His words of encouragement, guidance, comfort and blessing. I believe with all my heart that God desires good for His people, but too often we spend way too much time talking, rather than listening. 

In my desire to love more like Jesus, I believe that spending more time just listening to Father’s heart and mind towards me, the way He feels and thinks about me, will strengthen my weak love and lessen my desire to want to prove my love. I will just simply love. The more I receive God’s love, the more His love will transform my love to be more like His true love. How often do you spend time just letting God tell you just how crazy in love He is with you?

repentance, rest, quietness & trust

February 25, 2010
GospelGraceRedemption
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In the midst of an oracle of judgment against Judah, God reveals where true security comes from: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…” (Isaiah 30:15). But, Judah refuses to listen and ends up relying on military armaments (human strength), rather than on God (Divine strength). Needless to say, it doesn’t go well for Judah as the Southern Kingdom is eventually conquered and exiled to Babylon in 586 B.C. Over this past year, I’ve really come to value these four promises: repentance, rest, quietness and trust. Collectively, they encompass walking humbly before God. I call them promises because I believe that God grants them to me as gifts. But, what seems to consistently get in the way of me receiving these blessings is my fear and my pride.

The more I press into God’s grace and love, the more I am confronted with the reality that the only way to walk in the fullness of God’s grace and love is to walk humbly before Him. This means walking yielded to the Holy Spirit everyday, all day. But, I am proud and fearful. Proud in the sense that I want to prove to God that I can be faithful and that I can love Him unconditionally. Fearful in the sense that I am afraid of facing the hard truth that I’m not perfect and that even on my best day I still sin. What trips me up is that I’ve rationalized, even super spiritualized these pursuits thinking that I’m just trying to please God. So, I tell myself that I am capable of unconditional love and that I’m not so bad, that if I try hard enough I can have a perfect day. Who am I kidding?

But, in the midst of my struggle, the grace and love of God rises within me and reminds me that I don’t have to prove anything to God. He loves me, no matter what. What I’ve learned and am continually learning is that in order to embrace more of God’s grace, I need to embrace more of my brokenness. It is because I am imperfect that I receive God’s grace. So, letting God love on me means accepting myself and loving myself as God loves me, unconditionally. When I do this I will stop thinking I have to prove myself and I will slowly begin to accept myself just as I am. And why shouldn’t I, God does. He accepts me just as I am. That is an amazing truth. Even more, He blesses me with repentance, rest, quietness and trust. God’s desire to be in relationship with me is so much greater than mine. His desire to form Christ in me far surpasses my own. I need to remember that next time I feel like I need to be doing for God, rather than being with God.

That’s what repentance, rest, quietness and trust describe: being with God. When I am just being with God, I will be walking humbling before Him because I understand that He loves spending time with me, not because of what I can or can’t do, but because I am His beloved child. In essence, this means doing, in order to be. We turn away from temptation and sin, in order to draw near to Him (repentance). We take a break from our busyness and striving, in order to rest in His presence (rest). We tune out the noise of the world, in order to listen to His Words of grace towards us (quietness). We confess our unbelief and mistrust, in order to receive faith and healing (trust). God knows what we need in order to have a deep and vibrant relationship with Him, but we need to choose to receive His gifts of repentance, rest, quietness and trust. Help us Holy Spirit to receive more of God’s gifts and blessings into our hearts and lives. In Jesus Name, Amen.

hospitality of soul

February 10, 2010
Body of ChristGospelGraceLove
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Over the past couple months, one of the books I have been slowly reading through is “Radical Hospitality” by Father Daniel Homan and Lonni Collins Pratt (Paraclete Press, 2002). As God’s divine timing would have it, the chapter that I’m on is entitled: companionship and intimacy (the two things that my heart has been longing for in overdrive lately). Reading this has helped me gain a clearer and fuller understanding on both.

“Hospitality is not a call to unquestioning intimacy with the whole world….Hospitality is a call to revere what is sacred in every person ever born” (p.139).

The world equates sex with intimacy. But, there couldn’t be a more shallow misunderstanding of the true nature of intimacy. As the authors explain, “When we confuse intimacy with sexual relations, we imply that sex is the only means to closeness, and we devalue the growing together that two people need to do before they become sexually involved. To imply that our deepest needs are met only by sexual encounters has set up a whole generation to be disillusioned (p.141). I couldn’t agree more. In my own struggles with desiring love and pursuing intimacy that’s how I understood it. But, as I have been learning both through my relationship with Jesus (through the presence of the Person of the Holy Spirit) and through some very deeply authentic and life-giving people in my life today: I am unlearning my misguided notions of love and intimacy.

Intimacy includes so much more than just the physical, it also includes emotions (heart), thoughts (mind) and the will (spirit). I love this next statement, “When I experience genuine intimacy, I know to the bone that I am not alone. This knowing comes through relationship….Intimacy is the deep experience of knowing another human heart” (p.141-2). Some of my fondest memories are the ones where I’ve connected with a person on a deeply spiritual and emotional level, so that when we see each other, without saying a word, there is this unspoken bond and understanding between us. Maybe the reason I cherish these moments so much is because I long to be fully known and fully loved. Isn’t that every person’s heart cry: to be able to tell our deepest secrets without anyone gasping with horror; to be able to share our victories with others and have them truly rejoice; to be able to be in our pain without them trying to rush us through it; to be able to be fail and not feel judged; to be able to make mistakes and still be trusted; to be able to be who we are without excuses.

Intimacy comes when we share all of ourselves with another. But, we must understand that at its core, intimacy is more than just a constant level of relating. Intimacy is the experience of sharing life together. The only way to be fully known is to share your life with someone. Sure, I can tell you everything that I may know about myself, but there is so much more to me, if you just watch me for awhile.

Lastly, “No matter how intimate a relationship might be, that single relationship is not enough to satisfy the human hunger for love. No human being has enough love to meet such needs. Only our passion for God is enough love; only God’s passion for us can make us whole.Most of us will have intimate relationships, but we make the mistake if we think that intimacy is all we need. We also need companions, we need good fun, we need the brief and tender moment when a stranger stoops to help collect the clutter that has dropped to the floor” (emphasis mine, p.136-7). This describes the current condition of my heart. I fully understand that only intimacy with God makes me whole. So, I have been continually throwing myself deeper and deeper into my relationship with Jesus. But, I am longing for more companions in my life. People who will speak Truth and Life to me and allow me to do the same for them as we walk through the nitty gritty of life together.

(((Jesus)))

December 3, 2009
GospelJesus
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My heart longs to be with Jesus. That’s where this journey I’ve been on these past few weeks has brought me. The more I understand God’s grace towards me, the more my heart thirsts for His presence. The more I am challenged to love God unconditionally, the more my heart yearns to be with Him. Though I have never seen Jesus, my heart knows Him well.

  • My heart knows His kindness

 ~ When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd (Matthew 9:36).

 ~ Jesus called his disciples to him and said, “I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry, or they may collapse on the way” (Matthew 15:32).

  • My heart knows His gentle touch

~ Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him (Matthew 20:34).

~ Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” (Mark 1:41).

  • My heart knows His gracious words

~ “I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life” (John 5:24).

~ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).

  • My heart knows His patient presence

~ “O unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me” (Mark 9:19).

~ “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing” (Matthew 23:37).

  • My heart knows His faithful love

~ “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep” (John 10:11).

~ It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love (John 13:1).

~ Jesus called out with a loud voice, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” When he had said this, he breathed his last (Luke 23:46).

  • My heart knows His joyful devotion

~ Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed (Mark 1:35).

~ At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure” (Luke 10:21).

~ “Father…I have brought you glory on earth by completing the work you gave me to do” (John 17:4).

  • My heart knows His peaceful Spirit

~ “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:26, 27).

  • My heart knows His loving justice

~ “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor” (Luke 4:18, 19).

~ “Here is my servant whom I have chosen, the one I love, in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations. He will not quarrel or cry out; no one will hear his voice in the streets. A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory” (Matthew 12:18-20).

  • My heart knows His firm guidance

~ “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:29-31).

~ Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it” (Luke 9:23, 24).

~ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34).

  • My heart knows His steadfast will

~ “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost” (Luke 19:10).

~ Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6).

~ Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:19, 20).

  • My heart knows His goodness

~ “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10).

~ When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life” (John 8:12).

~ “I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand” (John 10:28).

  • My heart knows His servanthood

~ Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people (Matthew 4:23).

~ Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him (John 13:3-5).

  • My heart knows His steady gaze

~ Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them saying… (Matthew 5:1).

~ When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick (Matthew 14:14).

~ When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things (Mark 6:34).

~ When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” (John 6:5).

  • My heart knows His passion

~ Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. “It is written,” he said to them, ” ‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’ but you are making it a ‘den of robbers'” (Matthew 21:12, 13).

~ Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. “Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will” (Mark 14:35, 36). 

Does your heart know Jesus in these way?

If not, meditate on these passages. Take the time to look up each passage in the Bible and read the whole narrative that each passage sits in. I promise, you will not regret it. “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is” (1 John 3:1, 2). Open your heart to Jesus and know Him.

This is my prayer: that our Father in Heaven would reach through the pages of the Bible and grab your heart, that Jesus would come alive to you in a new and fresh way and that the Holy Spirit would anoint your life with more love and power. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Sabbath renewed

November 27, 2009
GraceJesus
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So, I’ve been steadily keeping a Sabbath on Mondays for roughly a year now. I call it my “draw near to God” day. But, things have shifted in this past month and my “draw near to God” day has begun to decline and my Sabbath has been derailed from it’s steady course. I recently went to a conference where Heidi Baker was speaking, ever since then the integrity of my spiritual life has been challenged. What Mama Heidi spoke about was ministering in the strength of God and how “fruitfulness comes from intimacy with God.” I thought I had all of that and then some. But, as God has been challenging me on understanding His grace and my unconditional love for Him, this has revealed the deeper motives of my heart and the works righteousness that resides within. Let me expand on this.

What God has been revealing to me these past few weeks is that though I do walk in much of His grace, He has so much more for me that I refuse to accept because I want to show Him that I can do it. But, that’s my pride talking. I feel like I’ve been acting like that little child, who is constantly saying, “Me do! Me do!” Where God is saying to me, “Let me show you, let’s do it together.” Needless to say, these past few weeks have been really tough because I’ve come face to face with my arrogance which is really disheartening. Here I thought that I was being obedient, but maybe dutiful is a better word to describe my actions. So, on deeper inspection, this has sparked me to reflect on: What does it mean to draw near to God?

James 4: 6-10 says, “…6But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up” (NIV). As I have been meditating and studying this passage, I’ve come to the conclusion that this passage is about repentance. So, in my wrestling, I’ve asked myself this question: What does living a repentant lifestyle look like?

I believe that the “Come near to God” that James is talking about here is about humbling ourselves before God and receiving His grace by submitting to His will and resisting the devil’s temptations. This means coming near to God by repenting for our sinful leanings (“washing your hands, you sinners” which alludes to external actions, and “purifying your hearts, you double-minded” which alludes to internal motivations) and in this way God comes near to us. For clarification, this is not in terms of our salvation (which comes through Jesus alone), but in terms of our relational fellowship with God. The more consistently we live repentantly before God, the louder and clearer we will hear His Voice in our lives. But, this also means embracing more and more of His grace. So, whatever it takes. James is insistent about the seriousness of sin and we should be too. Sin brings disaster and devastation to our relationship with God. When’s the last time you grieved, mourned or wailed sin?  

Douglas Moo (2000) insightful explains, “Christian joy can never be ours if we ignore or tolerate sin; it comes only when we have squarely faced the reality of our sin, brought it before the Lord in repentance and humility, and experienced the cleansing work of the Spirit” (James, p. 196). One of the joys of my new life in Jesus has been the many opportunities He gives me to pray for and with people. You could say this is part of my repentant lifestyle. For me, there is nothing more satisfying and fulfilling. Not only do I get to touch the Father’s heart through prayer, but the whole reason I pray for others is so that they can experience a greater sense of God’s unconditional love and be brought ever deeper into the Father’s heart.

So this is my prayer for you and me: “May we truly walk in the fullness of God’s grace for our lives and experience the immeasurableness of His unconditional love where we walk empowered to live a repentant lifestyle by actively greiving, mourning and wailing sin, so that we can feel, all the more, the sweetness of God’s grace towards us in Jesus as we humbly wait for Him to lift us up. In Jesus’ Name we pray, Amen.”  

…along the way…

November 21, 2009
GospelGraceJesusLove
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I am feeling pretty weak and worn out these days. Whenever I have some free time all I want to do is put on some worship music and rest in the Lord. Sometimes that means crawling into bed and sleeping. Other times that means lying on the floor and allowing the longing in my heart to be near Jesus overwhelm me. This has been hard because God has been testing my heart these past few weeks in my understanding of His grace. What this has revealed is that though I understand theologically and intellectually that I have been saved by grace that: 1) Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross for sin has fully satisfied God wrath; that 2) because I have be crucified and raised with Jesus – I have been reconciled back to God; and that 3) I now live in God’s grace and forgiveness, always, as His beloved child in the family of God.

But, the way that I practically live this out tells a differing story. Case and point, I am reconciled back to God because of Jesus and not because of what I may do in my day to day (sinful or not). But, there are times where I will put more weight on my sinful behavior, instead of Jesus’ atoning and reconciling work. Now, I know that sin separates us from God, but if I truly believe that Jesus’ death on the cross paid my debt for sin now and forever – because I am in Christ that means I live in God’s grace and forgiveness, always. Let me say that again, because I am in Christ that means I live in God’s grace and forgiveness, always. So, if and when I sin today, tomorrow, next week or year, the blood of Jesus covers my sins for all eternity. Now, I  understand that this doesn’t give a believer a license to sin. As Paul says: “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? ” (Romans 6:1, 2). And I get this, the grace of God is not to be abused and Jesus’ sacrifice cheapened. Trust me, I hate it when I sin and I do confess sin to God and others because when I confess sin: I acknowledge my need for more of God’s grace and love in my life. But I need to understand that because I am in Christ I have been forgiven – once for all.

Now, while God has been testing my heart in understanding His grace, He has also been challenging me on my unconditional love for Him. The more that I walk in His grace, the greater freedom I have to do whatever I want. Now if I truly get forgiveness in Christ, this means that my actions do not effect my standing before God. Jesus’ sacrifice took care of that. So, when I sin this does not bring God closer to me or further away because I am reconciled to God through Jesus. But, this doesn’t take away the consequences of my sinful behavior which may hinder my ability to hear and recognize God’s Voice in my life. Sin runs interference in our sensitivity to the Holy Spirit’s leading. We can either do things that help tune us into our Shepherd’s voice or we can fill our lives up with things that dampen His Voice. That’s where I’m at right now, but God has amplified the intensity of this struggle to show me His great desire for my unconditional love.

In the freedom of God’s grace, I can choose to either please God or please myself. This struggle has revealed the level of my unconditional love for God. On a deeper lever, this struggle has stirred me to ask myself: “Do I please God out of fear, profit or love?” Struggle is good because it inspires to both create and strengthen faith. I must always remember that God will never ask anything of me that does not include His grace. He will also not ask anything of me without His love and support: He will never ask me to do anything alone. I believe that God put me on this path, not to discourage me, but to encourage me and show me just how far He has taken me from the days of being hopelessly and lustfully addicted to drugs to where He has me today – longing to rest in His Presence. I am so grateful that God is not done with me yet, but that He will carry me into completion. And when I finally get to see Jesus face to face – I will be like Him (1 John 3:2). I can’t wait.

grace and love

November 19, 2009
GraceJesusWorship
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I ran across this poem by Kathleen Wheeler called “A New Leaf” which really ministered and spoke to my heart about the Father’s love and grace towards his children.

He came to my desk with quivering lip –
The lesson was done.
“Dear Teacher, I want a new leaf,” he said,
“I have spoiled this one.”
I took the old leaf, stained and blotted,
And gave him a new one all unspotted,
And into his sad eyes smiled,
Do better, now, my child.”

I went to the throne with a quivering soul –
The old year was done.
“Dear Father, hast Thou a new leaf for me?
I have spoiled this one.”
He took the old leaf, stained and blotted,
And gave me a new one all unspotted
And into my sad heart smiled,
“Do better, now, my child.”

I needed this reminder: that no matter what I’ve done I can go to our Father in Heaven and ask for a fresh start, a new beginning. Every day if need be and He will redeem the time. I know it sounds so unbelievable, but that’s grace – undeserved favor. Whenever I encounter God’s love and grace it always moves me to worship because I am floored that the God of the universe desires to be with me. Even now as I sit and write this, I am so grateful for such a loving and merciful God and a Savior who died so that all of this could happen. Thank you Jesus.

 jesus-draw-me-nearer-lyrics

Do you need a new leaf? Get a fresh start in life from God by inviting Jesus into your heart and surrendering the control of your life to God. If you already know Jesus than ask the Father to redeem the time.

something’s gotta give…

November 10, 2009
Body of ChristGraceRevelation
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This past month has been quite a whirlwind, so to speak. As I have been praying and discerning the will of God for my life, God has in His mercy brought some real clarity to my pursuit. If you haven’t been walking with me through this, let me sum up my journey so far. Currently I have been wrestling with the question: Am I to be a pastor or a counselor or both? In the beginning I figured I’d be both by being bivocational. But, what I have been learning is that there are difficulties in managing dual relationships with people. That’s not to say that being both a pastor and a counselor is impossible. It just means that I would need to be intentionally aware of which “hat” (pastor or counselor) I am wearing in my vocational relationships.

But, the more that I’ve been learning about the counseling profession, the more I’ve been challenged in thinking through the place of counseling in God’s calling on my life. I have this tremendous passion to work with the addiction population. But, I also have this tremendous passion to edify and building up the Body of Christ. So, the question that has come up in my deliberations in weighing these two passions is: Does one of these passions take precedent over the other? The simple answer to this is “yes.” God has called me to be a pastor first and foremost and though I do feel like God has also called me to work with the addiction population – the timing and urgency on this calling is secondary to the pastoral calling. Right now I need to be faithful to the pastoral call.

In walking this revelation out, I have decided to begin pursuing a pastoral position at a church and put my pursuit of a counseling degree on the back burners. I’ve also decided to change my degree from a Master in Mental Health Counseling to a Master in Counseling Ministries. God has called me to care for His people and though I do see myself ministering to people of the world, my main concern must be for the Body of Christ. This has been freeing because, quite honestly, I see myself more of as a spiritual director, than a counselor, which definitely fits better under the pastoral calling. Again, though I have this passion and calling to work with the addiction population (and I definitely see myself always working with people struggling with addiction issues), this calling needs to come under and submit to the pastoral call.

I am so grateful for God’s grace in all of this and the reality that He will never ask me to pursue something alone, but that His grace is always available to me. Even more than that, God has really impressed on me that because of Jesus I can count on His grace and that I need to always, always, always factor His grace into everything I do and into every decision I make.

reignition

October 17, 2009
Body of ChristGrace
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Life has been moving at a pretty fast pace this past month. I feel like there’s always something I could be doing for home, school or ministry. I’ve been especially challenged this past month to keep my Monday sabbath. To be honest, my sabbath days have not been all that spiritual, nor all that restful. Sure, I’ve spend some time in prayer and solitude with God, but it’s been a far cry from what it has been. I understand that I needn’t be so rigid in my sabbath keeping because the sabbath was made for my benefit and not the other way around (Mark 2:27). But, what I’ve noticed is that the receding spirituality on my sabbath has effected in many ways (however subtly) the rest of my week. The tide has been slowly going out . Not so much in the sense of my faith waning, more so in the sense of my passion to be discipled by the Lord. This may be because I am also  in transition right now. 

First, I am transitioning from finishing a Master’s of Divinity degree into beginning a Master’s in Mental Health Counseling degree. I have also been seriously contemplating doing a concurrent Substance Abuse Counseling degree as well. Secondly, I have stepped down from ministry leadership at my church, not for any disciplinary or disqualification reasons, but because I’ve been feeling prompted by the Holy Spirit that my time at this particular church is coming to a close. Let me explain, over the past few years, Jesus has been using me in a very interim pastoral fashion (both at my current church and the one before this one). This fits well with the grace Christ has apportioned to me (Eph 4:7) through the gifts of wisdom, discernment, mercy, faith and healing (Rom 12:6-8; 1 Cor 12:1-14) which are a good combination with the calling He has placed on my life to be His shepherding prophet (Eph 4:11). As one can imagine, Spirit-filled preaching, group discipleship, one-on-one mentoring/coaching and prophetic prayer are huge component in the way that Jesus uses me to bring spiritual formation both individually and corporately to His Body, the Church.

Now, I’ve been slowing piecing this together over this past year (it has been an ongoing process). God is definitely on the move, but I feel like I really need to be pressing into and be seeking after the Father’s heart towards me as He continues to reveal in more detail the work He has prepared in advance for me to do (Eph 2:10). I need to approach the coming season wisely and discerningly, but also humbly with an open and expectant heart. As this relates to my sabbath – sure I have a lot going on right now in planning for the future, but I need to remember that my future is in Christ and the work set before me is the Father’s will for my life. It’s not about me formulating some strategy and coming up with a smart and clever plan, but about me listening to the Holy Spirit’s voice in my life and following His promptings and leadings because He will guide me to where I need to be in order to be better equipped for ministry. He will also lead me to where God wants me to be so that I can partner  in the work Jesus is doing in the world while He takes me deeper into the Father’s heart. Lord, reignite the passions of my heart to pursue You with an open heart and willing spirit. In Jesus, Your name, Amen.