Lately, I’ve been asking myself this question: “What is it that I live for?” This has challenged me to really think through my currently lifestyle without any filters or rationalizations: to be just plain honest with myself. This is definitely easier said than done because of my desire to “halo effect” my life. Halo effecting likes to bend reality a bit in order to make ourselves feel better about ourselves by stretching and exaggerating our better traits and actions. Halo effecting makes broad sweeping evaluations of people based on their more positive traits and then builds on these traits by superimposing them onto other areas of a person’s life and character which may or may not deserve the accolade. The way that I see it, halo effecting is directly connected to our shame. Shame seems to always want to paint ourselves in a better light than what is actually true.

In many ways, hiding is a component of halo effecting. It makes us hide from God, others, even ourselves. We see this from the very beginning with Adam and Eve. Their shame made them hide (Genesis 3:7, 10). I don’t know about you, but I am an expert at hiding. When I ignore my limitations and failings, I am hiding. I’d much rather focus on my strengths, rather than my weaknesses (who doesn’t). If it were up to me, I’d ignore my weaknesses all together by pretending that I didn’t have any in the first place. We’d all much rather project to the world that we have it all together. But again, is this reality? Or does this create a kind of alternate reality, even a non-reality where I live more artificial than authentic? Living this way hinders us from being present with the Lord and also works against the transformation that God wants to bring to our lives.

Halo effecting blinds us to the reality that maybe we aren’t as great as we think we are or like others to believe we are. Now don’t misunderstand me here, I’m not saying that we should have a negative, defeatist or fatalistic view of ourselves. What I am saying is that we need to have a realistic view of ourselves. To soberly see ourselves both in the light of our fallenness and in the light of God’s redemptive grace. But, when we begin to ignore that we are limited, we also ignore the reality that we are in need God’s redemptive grace which only perpetuates a distorted view of ourselves. Because of our fallenness, we all have this innate proclivity to want to project a better image of ourselves to others, to ourselves, even God. Whenever I feel the desire to halo effect my life, I remind myself that God loves me unconditionally (John 3:16; Romans 5:8), that He is my strong tower (Prov 18:10), that He is my fortress of faith (Ps 18:2) and that He is my divine warrior (Rev 19:11-16). Truly, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).

What is it that you live for?

Here’s a quote from John Bunyun: “If my life is fruitless, it doesn’t matter who praises me, and if my life is fruitful, it doesn’t matter who criticizes me.” Reading this quote has helped to bring some clarity to my musings about my life. It has helped me to realize that a fruitful life will speak for itself (as will a fruitless life). It has also inspired me to simply seek what Jesus says is worth committing my life to and to just seek being faithful to God and leaving all the results up to Him.