Over the last few weeks as I have been journeying deeper into the Father’s heart. I’ve come to realize that I really enjoy the freedom to pursue God whenever and wherever I choose. I’ve been able to give this pursuit to experience the depths of the Father’s love my undivided focus. Now, if I had a wife and kids I probably wouldn’t have been able to devote so much time to this quest because as Paul discerningly explains: my family and the responsibility of leading and caring for them would take up a good portion of my time (1 Corinthians 7:32ff). Spending time with other people’s families has reminded me of this reality. So, long story short, I am learning to embrace the blessing of singleness. Does this mean that God has blessed me with singleness? Maybe.
To be honest, I’ve been avoiding this question for at least the last three years because I was afraid of the answer. On the one hand, I’ve burned with passion and on the other hand, I’ve feared being alone. But as my relationship with God has deepened and matured many of my youthful passions have exhausted themselves and I’ve become more comfortable with being alone because I’ve become more confident in my identity in Christ. Sure, there is still a loneliness in my heart, but over the years the Lord has become more and more my portion which has quelled this loneliness. I have come to cherish and even be satisfied with our time together by allowing His love to be enough for me.
On deeper reflection, I really do spend most of my day being actively in love with Jesus. Rarely, is there a moment in the day that I don’t feel the Holy Spirit’s presence. From the time I wake up, He is on my heart. In the shower, He is in my thoughts. Whenever I eat, I am thankful for His faithful provisions in my life. When I exercise, He is there cheering and pushing me forward. Anytime I am outside, I stand amazed at the intricacies of creation and again He is in my thoughts. Work plays a big part in my worship to God because He builds Christlike character in me through it while giving me the opportunity to be salt and light to people. And, it is when I am around people that His presence is so very near to me because I feel His deep love for those with whom I am in relationship with. Then, at the end of the day, He is there again helping me take off the day’s burdens so that I may rest in Him.
Jesus has slowly become my all and all. My whole life now revolves around Him and to be honest: I’m not sure I want that to change. Does this mean that God has blessed me with singleness? I’m afraid to say yes, but the more I reflect on this the more I see that He has. So, maybe it’s time I accepted and pressed into this, instead of running from it. Even as I type this, I get this sense that I am surrendering into gain and not loss (though it feels like loss right now). If you’re reading this pray for me: pray that I would grieve well and that I would embrace the joy of surrender in the coming weeks. Peace to you and yours.