Tag: Brokenness

change in the making (Addison Road)

May 31, 2011
journey
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This song encourages me because it helps ground and remind me that it’s ok to be where I am on this life long road of redemption. I don’t know about you, but I need to constantly fight the impulse to get down on myself because of my desire to be further along on this journey of redemption than I actually am. I think we all have a bit of an overachiever in us who is always striving to be better at the expense of ourselves, others, even God.

What this song reminds me of is that my life is in God’s hands and that He is continually at work healing my heart as He redeems and restores my life. Even when I struggle with temptation and sin, sometimes desperately, I can rest in the truth that God will never give up on me and that He knows exactly what He’s doing and where He’s taking me. He knows the person He is transforming me to be. I am “under construction” and that’s ok because I am in God’s able hands.

Here’s a couple verses that help to keep me trusting in God: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11) and  “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6). God’s heart towards us is goodness and love and we can trust  in His faithfulness to save, redeem and restore us as He changes and transforms us to be more like His perfect Son, Jesus. But, we need to allow ourselves to accept the daily grace that He gives us and be at peace with the pace of redemption and restoration God has ordained for our lives.

“Everyday God is chipping away at what I don’t need” which can feel confusing, even painful at times because it hurts when the idols in our hearts get smashed. So, “this is me under construction, this is my pride being broken.” It’s humbling to admit that without Jesus I will remain broken and incomplete. But, as long as I put my faith in God’s good work of redemption in my life, tomorrow can be better and tomorrow I can be “closer to who I’m meant to be” because “I am a change in the making!”

LIFEdancer

August 20, 2010
journeyPoetry
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LIFE DANCER

by Gerald T. Ching

 

Somewhere there is a crying child

hungry for the attention of its mother, longing

for a breast to suckle on. Ricocheting

from corner to corner

the cries reverberate off bare walls.

 

Between these gut wrenching sobs

the mother’s reassuring soul sails in on a cool breeze

helping to ease the hollowness of insecurity

as her name gets etched onto the naked walls of a young heart.

 

In the coming days, travelling through ethereal fields

the soul of each beloved loved one

finds its place on this wall of security –

lessening the ache.

 

As the days pass into months

and then years, the walls of this heart grow with the child.

Names upon names are written daily, some

tarnish instantaneously, while others linger

for years – aging within the soul. Solid

in the many passing years

are the first names that built this foundation.

 

Written on the walls of my heart

are the names of all the wandering souls

that have graced my own life. Brushing away

at the tarnish of ages past reveals

the older souls that have past on into sweet oblivion,

their essence still lingering.

 

Left in the wake of this awakening,

a hollowness is revealed. Before my eyes

the younger years of my life flash in revelation

grounding me in my hour of desperation

grasping at my last lifeline –

breathless.

“he’s a bit tore up, but he’ll fly true”

March 17, 2010
callingGraceRedemption
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A verse of Scripture that encourages and touches every part of my being is 2 Corinthians 4:7: “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”The reason I like this verse so much is that it not only takes into account my brokenness, but also my redemption. Just recently I was watching a movie and this line came streaming through, “She’s a bit tore up, but she’ll fly true.” He was taking about the plane they were flying, but how this line impacted me was that it made me long to hear God say this about me: “He’s a bit tore up, but he’ll fly true.” Again, the reason being is that it’s honest. I am a bit tore up (broken), but I will fly true (redeemed).

In our frailty, the very power of God is manifested. The more I embrace my brokenness (the reality that I am a jar of clay) the more I will realize just how precious and amazing this treasure that I have within me is (the reality that I am redeemed). So what is this treasure? If we look back to the second half of 2 Corinthians 4:4, we will see it: The treasure is “the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” Paul contrasts this with the expression jars of clay which would be familiar to the Corinthians because pottery was an everyday item. It could be found everywhere because it was used by the common person. We, just like the Corinthians have either seen or even used a ceramic pot of some sort. And if you have, you know that they hold water really well and are useful for many things, but that they are also easily broken.

Now, the connection that Paul wants to make here is that just like jars of clay, human beings are just as fragile and easily broken. Now I don’t know about you, but I can understand and relate to that. If you’ve ever held a baby you know what I’m talking about, or if you’ve ever broken a bone or know someone who has, you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve ever been in any kind of relationship then you know what I’m talking about because we are fragile beings and our hearts and bodies feel pain. But just as Paul marveled, we too should also marvel, because we have an amazing God who has entrusted us, weak vessels, with the treasure of the gospel of God’s glory that is revealed in Jesus. According to this verse, God does this to show that it is His all-surpassing power that is at work in all of us. To be more specific, the power that Paul is talking about is the divine power that enables him to preach the gospel while persevering through personal hardships and trials. Phew! I don’t know about you, but I am glad to hear that because it takes all the pressure off of us and frees us up to speak and be truth, life and love to people.

I believe with all my heart that God has called every believer to do great and amazing things for His Kingdom. But this means that we will have to lean into this power of God within us to 1) be the Gospel to strangers, friends and family and to 2) persevere through the hardships and trials that will come our way because of this. What helps me when I get fearful or discouraged is remembering that I don’t have to do this alone, but that God is always with me. He has given us His Holy Spirit to not only comfort us, but to also empower us with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control and has also lavished us with some pretty awesome supernatural gifts. “Though I am a bit tore up, I will fly true” because the same Spirit that rose Jesus from the dead is also living within me.

the tender touch of Love

July 3, 2009
Body of ChristJesusWorship
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This song touched my heart in exactly the way that I needed. I love when the Holy Spirit leads me serendipitously to a person, a book, a website, in this case a song (at a website) because He knows just what I need to draw me into the presence of God and what needs to happen in order to tenderize my heart towards Jesus. The lyrics of this song released the words that were trapped in my heart – they helped give wings to the longing in my heart to be near my Lord and King. Listening and singing these words (repeatedly) have brought sweet conviction to me by reminding me that to not share and lavish people with God’s amazingly perfect love is truly tragic. I wept when this revelation washed over me, breaking my heart all over again for Jesus. He is so good to me. I can feel the smoldering embers beginning to stir within my heart, igniting within me a renewed passion to love and chase after my Savior and to love people with wild abandon.

  pure-lyrics

I am so grateful for all the members of the Body of Christ that use their gifts and talents to edify the People of God while in worship to King Jesus.

Learning to walk in brokenness

April 1, 2009
GospelLoveRedemption
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This is probably the most terrifying thing to do because walking in brokenness means letting go of all the should’ve, would’ve and could’ves that we hold onto. Which for the most part is a good thing because living in regret can really hinder a person from launching into the future God has for them. Letting myself off the hook of regret was a huge milestone in my own journey in embracing more of God’s grace and future in Christ.

But, walking in brokenness also means letting go of all the little embellishments that we add onto our past. Those seemingly harmless extras that distort the playback of our memories where we are a bit more heroic or clever or witty or compassionate or loving or kind (you fill in the blank), so that we don’t feel as awkward or embarrassed about ourselves. Oftentimes, I do this to help cope with the sense of shame and disappointment that I feel with myself. These days, I am learning just how much harder it is let go of these exaggerations because it challenges me to face the naked truth about myself and pushing towards my brokenness.

God’s got me at a place where I am becoming more and more aware of my plastic self: the part of me that wishes that I wasn’t as broken as I am; the part of me that wishes that I was further along on this journey into redemption that I am. My pride refuses to acknowledge the reality that I am broken and my fear escapes into the make-believe land where I always win the girl, the argument and the race; where I am smarter than I am and know all the answers. That place in my mind where I always save the day because I am fearless and unstoppable. The place where I am invincible. This pretending which I sooth myself with is part of my soul sickness because it hinders me from truly loving and accepting myself as God loves and accepts me warts and all.

It’s not that God loves that I am dysfunctional, shallow, selfish and judgmental. He loves me because that’s who God is: God is love (1 John 4:16), but He loves me enough to not let me stay that way. God is passionate about forming Christ in me because the more I become like Jesus, the more I reflect His glory out onto a broken and lost world in need of redemption. But, I need to stop running from my brokenness and begin surrendering this make-believe world I escape into (which includes those tiny creative improvements I like to give myself). The flipside of all this is that: It’s in this place that I can experience an even greater depth of God’s grace and love that would have remained unknown to me, if I chose to go on pretending.

The Importance of the Table

March 22, 2009
Body of Christ
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Recently, I had the opportunity to add a post at my church‘s blog which I thought would be good to share here as well.

 What does it mean to eagerly await our Savior to return? (Philippians 3:20). Albert Borgmann in his book, Technology and the Character of Everyday Life, talks about the importance of focal practices where a focal practice has “centering and orienting force” (206). When the people of God gather around the Lord’s Table, it is a focal practice where when we can, not only proclaim the truth of Jesus’ sacrifice, but also of His return (1 Corinthians 11:26). If you’re like me, sometimes it’s really easy for me to reflect so deeply upon Jesus’ death that I forget that taking the bread and cup also proclaims the truth that He is coming back. Now, if we take the time to pause and connect with our Savior through the Holy Spirit in this focal moment, I believe He will not only refresh our faith, but also draw us into the depths of His heart.

 Over the last couple weeks, I’ve really enjoyed gathering around the Lord’s Table, both as a church and in small groups. Doing this has brought to the surface of my heart the deep longing to become the family of God that I know Jesus is transforming us to be. But, in order for this to happen, it means I need to own my brokenness. If you’re like me, then you know just how hard it is to stop denying and running away from the reality that, there are times when I am just plain clumsy at life (some days more than others). But, if I am to be caught up into the family of God, I need to stop projecting the image that I’m cool or that I’ve got it all together or that I don’t need anyone. This means embracing my brokenness, so that God can begin to heal me. It’s interesting how in order to break free of something, we first have to accept it as our own, instead of living in the denial of embarrassment by telling ourselves, “Oh that’s not me,” or “I don’t do that.” When we do this we reject the reality that we even need healing.

 The Lord’s Supper is a focal practice in which the very act of gathering around the Lord’s Table to take the bread and cup centers and orients us towards both Jesus’ sacrifice and His return. To broaden this a bit, Borgmann also talks about how the “great meal of the day, be it noon or in the evening, is a focal event par excellence. It gathers the scattered family around the table (204).”

I don’t know about you, but the fast food, “eat on the go” culture that we live in only perpetuates the scatteredness of my own life. And in many ways reinforces my relational disconnectedness because I am eating alone more and more. Now food plays a very important role in our lives. Eating is essential to human existence and is woven into the very rhythm of life. Not only does life happens around food, but most relationships begin, grow and deepen around eating. In a lot of cultures, most fellowship happens when people eat together. Eating together opens up opportunities for meaningful conversations to happen. Part of doing life together means eating together.

 That’s why I believe it is so important, if the people of God are to truly begin living as the family of God that we gather regularly around the Lord’s Table, as well as around the fellowship table to share more than just a meal with one another, but our very lives. Now, this means acknowledging each other’s brokenness, but also extending to each other as much grace as needed in order to overcome the dysfunction and awkward tension. It means taking a chance and beginning the journey down the road to be fully known and fully loved in which each table gathering can be a moment where we propel each other deeper into the loving spiritual community that the Holy Spirit is building for the glory of Christ. Though the meal may be the focal practice, we must always remember that: ultimately, it is Jesus who gathers His scattered family around His Table.