Freedom Blog

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LIFE DANCER

by Gerald T. Ching

Somewhere there is a crying child

hungry for the attention of its mother, longing

for a breast to suckle on. Ricocheting

from corner to corner

the cries reverberate off bare walls.

Between these gut wrenching sobs

the mother’s reassuring soul sails in on a cool breeze

helping to ease the hollowness of insecurity

as her name gets etched onto the naked walls of a young heart.

In the coming days, travelling through ethereal fields

the soul of each beloved loved one

finds its place on this wall of security -

lessening the ache.

As the days pass into months

and then years, the walls of this heart grow with the child.

Names upon names are written daily, some

tarnish instantaneously, while others linger

for years – aging within the soul. Solid

in the many passing years

are the first names that built this foundation.

Written on the walls of my heart

are the names of all the wandering souls

that have graced my own life. Brushing away

at the tarnish of ages past reveals

the older souls that have past on into sweet oblivion,

their essence still lingering.

Left in the wake of this awakening,

a hollowness is revealed. Before my eyes

the younger years of my life flash in revelation

grounding me in my hour of desperation

grasping at my last lifeline -

breathless.

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A verse of Scripture that encourages and touches every part of my being is 2 Corinthians 4:7: “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”The reason I like this verse so much is that it not only takes into account my brokenness, but also my redemption. Just recently I was watching a movie and this line came streaming through, “She’s a bit tore up, but she’ll fly true.” He was taking about the plane they were flying, but how this line impacted me was that it made me long to hear God say this about me: “He’s a bit tore up, but he’ll fly true.” Again, the reason being is that it’s honest. I am a bit tore up (broken), but I will fly true (redeemed).

In our frailty, the very power of God is manifested. The more I embrace my brokenness (the reality that I am a jar of clay) the more I will realize just how precious and amazing this treasure that I have within me is (the reality that I am redeemed). So what is this treasure? If we look back to the second half of 2 Corinthians 4:4, we will see it: The treasure is “the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” Paul contrasts this with the expression jars of clay which would be familiar to the Corinthians because pottery was an everyday item. It could be found everywhere because it was used by the common person. We, just like the Corinthians have either seen or even used a ceramic pot of some sort. And if you have, you know that they hold water really well and are useful for many things, but that they are also easily broken.

Now, the connection that Paul wants to make here is that just like jars of clay, human beings are just as fragile and easily broken. Now I don’t know about you, but I can understand and relate to that. If you’ve ever held a baby you know what I’m talking about, or if you’ve ever broken a bone or know someone who has, you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve ever been in any kind of relationship then you know what I’m talking about because we are fragile beings and our hearts and bodies feel pain. But just as Paul marveled, we too should also marvel, because we have an amazing God who has entrusted us, weak vessels, with the treasure of the gospel of God’s glory that is revealed in Jesus. According to this verse, God does this to show that it is His all-surpassing power that is at work in all of us. To be more specific, the power that Paul is talking about is the divine power that enables him to preach the gospel while persevering through personal hardships and trials. Phew! I don’t know about you, but I am glad to hear that because it takes all the pressure off of us and frees us up to speak and be truth, life and love to people.

I believe with all my heart that God has called every believer to do great and amazing things for His Kingdom. But this means that we will have to lean into this power of God within us to 1) be the Gospel to strangers, friends and family and to 2) persevere through the hardships and trials that will come our way because of this. What helps me when I get fearful or discouraged is remembering that I don’t have to do this alone, but that God is always with me. He has given us His Holy Spirit to not only comfort us, but to also empower us with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control and has also lavished us with some pretty awesome supernatural gifts. “Though I am a bit tore up, I will fly true” because the same Spirit that rose Jesus from the dead is also living within me.

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This song touched my heart in exactly the way that I needed. I love when the Holy Spirit leads me serendipitously to a person, a book, a website, in this case a song (at a website) because He knows just what I need to draw me into the presence of God and what needs to happen in order to tenderize my heart towards Jesus. The lyrics of this song released the words that were trapped in my heart – they helped give wings to the longing in my heart to be near my Lord and King. Listening and singing these words (repeatedly) have brought sweet conviction to me by reminding me that to not share and lavish people with God’s amazingly perfect love is truly tragic. I wept when this revelation washed over me, breaking my heart all over again for Jesus. He is so good to me. I can feel the smoldering embers beginning to stir within my heart, igniting within me a renewed passion to love and chase after my Savior and to love people with wild abandon.

I am so grateful for all the members of the Body of Christ that use their gifts and talents to edify the People of God while in worship to King Jesus.

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This is probably the most terrifying thing to do because walking in brokenness means letting go of all the should’ve, would’ve and could’ves that we hold onto. Which for the most part is a good thing because living in regret can really hinder a person from launching into the future God has for them. Letting myself off the hook of regret was a huge milestone in my own journey in embracing more of God’s grace and future in Christ.

But, walking in brokenness also means letting go of all the little embellishments that we add onto our past. Those seemingly harmless extras that distort the playback of our memories where we are a bit more heroic or clever or witty or compassionate or loving or kind (you fill in the blank), so that we don’t feel as awkward or embarrassed about ourselves. Oftentimes, I do this to help cope with the sense of shame and disappointment that I feel with myself. These days, I am learning just how much harder it is let go of these exaggerations because it challenges me to face the naked truth about myself and pushing towards my brokenness.

God’s got me at a place where I am becoming more and more aware of my plastic self: the part of me that wishes that I wasn’t as broken as I am; the part of me that wishes that I was further along on this journey into redemption that I am. My pride refuses to acknowledge the reality that I am broken and my fear escapes into the make-believe land where I always win the girl, the argument and the race; where I am smarter than I am and know all the answers. That place in my mind where I always save the day because I am fearless and unstoppable. The place where I am invincible. This pretending which I sooth myself with is part of my soul sickness because it hinders me from truly loving and accepting myself as God loves and accepts me warts and all.

It’s not that God loves that I am dysfunctional, shallow, selfish and judgmental. He loves me because that’s who God is: God is love (1 John 4:16), but He loves me enough to not let me stay that way. God is passionate about forming Christ in me because the more I become like Jesus, the more I reflect His glory out onto a broken and lost world in need of redemption. But, I need to stop running from my brokenness and begin surrendering this make-believe world I escape into (which includes those tiny creative improvements I like to give myself). The flipside of all this is that: It’s in this place that I can experience an even greater depth of God’s grace and love that would have remained unknown to me, if I chose to go on pretending.

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