Friendships are important. When I think back on my life, what I remember most are my friendships. Sure, I may remember certain times and places, maybe things I’ve done (or wished I did). But most of all I remember the people who shared those moments with me. When I look through the photo album in my mind that stores the snapshots of my life, I see people because if we really boil it down, all we truly have in this life are our relationships. Now if I call myself a Christian, the Bible challenges me to make all my relationships redemptive ones. What is a redemptive relationship? It’s a relationship that always has eternity in view. Jesus was a man who lived His life on earth in this way. When Jesus talked to someone or touched someone He made an eternal impact on their lives. Sometimes it was for the better (those who accepted His message and believed), but other times it was for the worse (those who rejected His message). Either way, people left Jesus changed because redemptive relationships have eternal impact.

As followers of Jesus, being redemptive needs to be infused into who we are. It needs to be part of our spiritual DNA, so that no matter where we are, we will be living as God has called each of us which is to first and foremost love Him but also to love one another. When we are truly living out our faith, we will be caring for one another in genuine community as a family, uplifting the Body of Christ and we as God’s people will experience a deeper understanding of Christ’s love for us. When this happens, we will begin to see the deep need to be actively living redemptively in all our relationships because when we are, we will touch people’s hearts with the love of Christ. Now, if we are to be thinking redemptively, we have to remember that it’s our faith in Christ that activates love and empowers us through the Holy Spirit to be grace and truth to people. And when we are this way, people’s hearts will be refreshed which will not only bring renewal, but will also inevitably impact their lives with the transforming power of God’s love which will deepen their understanding of who God is and His love for all of us. This is what it means to be redemptive.

There’s a difference between counseling someone’s flesh and refreshing someone’s heart by encouraging their spirit. Encouraging someone’s spirit means washing them with God’s Word, but that doesn’t mean spiritualizing everything by giving Bible verses like aspirin. Sometimes being God’s Word to a person is what shows greater love. Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Sometimes a person just needs you to sit, weep and mourn with them. Just your presence speaks volumes. Being intentionally redemptive in a relationship also means not just dealing with a person’s behavioral or heart sins, life burdens, pains and fears, but also a person’s heart longings and desires. We all have deep longings and yearnings (wishes, hopes and dreams that long to be released from our hearts), but oftentimes they go unspoken or unnoticed because we can get so caught up in telling people how we think they should act instead of taking the time to draw out who God has called and redeemed them to be.

Now, on my journey with Jesus, He has taken me through the depths of my heart where I’ve had to be brutally honest with myself. Spiritual self-awareness is a blessing and whenever I’ve taken an honest look at my life, both in my heart and in my behavior that’s when change began to happened: that’s when redemption was able to take hold. This also meant allowing others to speak truth and life to me, even when it was hard to hear. Facing our fears can be terrifying at times, but on the flipside of our fears are the desires of our hearts. If you have a fear of being judged, your desire maybe to be known, to be heard, to be real, to be loved. If you have a fear of rejection, your desire maybe to be accepted, to belong, to be included, to be appreciated. If you have a fear of failure, your desire maybe to be recognized, to be valued, to be validate, to be a blessing. What this means within the context of a redemptive relationship is that we not only address a person’s fears, but we also draw out their desires. You nurture them, so that their desires become greater than their fears. Of course, I am talking about healthy and godly desires and not sinful ones. All of us have desires that God has put into our hearts and when we act redemptively in a relationship, we help draw out these desires. Proverbs 20:5 (TNIV) says, “The purposes of the human heart are deep waters, but those who have insight draw them out.”