Tag: relationship

loveLIFE

August 9, 2010
Love
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“By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:35 NIV).

Highlights from “LOVING EACH OTHER” by Leo Buscaglia

There is nothing greater in life than loving another and being loved in return.

-A loving relationship is not defined by time, but rather by quality of caring. At its best, it is a healthy mutual exchange of thoughts, feelings and experience. It is home for one’s soul – a place to be ourselves and explore our deepest, inner yearnings, hopes, fears, joys. It is an environment within which we can relax and are comforted.

-A loving relationship is one in which both parties feel so loved, so accepted and so safe that they can share their innermost feelings, dreams, failures, successes, without reservations. It is a give and take, two-way reciprocal interaction rooted in mutual respect and cloaked with dignity, where tears and smiles are of equal importance and one that continually nurtures and supports growth.

-A loving relationship is one in which individuals trust each other enough to become vulnerable, secure that the other person won’t take advantage.

-A loving relationship is one in which one can be open and honest with one another without the fear of being judged. It’s being secure in the knowledge that you are each other’s best friend and no matter what happens you will stand by one another.

-A loving relationship is one in which you accept the other person at the moment as a whole and receive that same acceptance.

-A loving relationship is one in which there is a mutual caring about the growth and progress of each, where possessiveness gives way to offering the other to be his or her own person, where selfishness gives way to selfless giving, sharing and caring – Where the lines of communication are kept open, where the good in each is maximized, the bad minimized.

-A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be him/herself to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love him/herself, to love being loved, such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.

-A loving relationship is one in which each one sees the beloved not as an extension of self but as a unique, forever becoming, beautiful individual – A situation in which the persons can bring their own special I to each other, a blending of selves without the fear of loss of self.

-A loving relationship is a wanting to celebrate, communicate, and know another’s heart and soul.

 “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart” (Proverbs 3:3 TNIV).

SIGNpost

July 22, 2010
mentoring
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When I was 8 years old, my mother tells me that I came home one day from Catholic Sunday School saying that I wanted to be a priest. In thinking through this statement today, I believe the reason behind this were two fold. On the one hand, I saw how much respect and reverence the priests received from people and I wanted that because I longed to be respected by my parents and peers. I was drawn to their positional authority. On the other hand, maybe in that moment this 8 year old Chinese boy actually caught a glimpse of God’s calling on my life. Though today I am not a Catholic priest, I am God’s missionary. But, oh what a long and winding road I have journeyed. Maybe on that day so long ago with the utterance of my words the devil began to do all he could to stop any sort of burgeoning hope or purpose that sought to get planted within my heart and life.

Growing up, I was a very sensitive child with a heart that longed to be held and kept safe. I longed for security in every way. I wanted to know that I was loved and accepted: to be reassured that no matter what, I’d be OK. This was especially important when racial slurs began from the neighborhood kids. But, I was caught between two cultures. A Chinese culture that believes: “the nail that sticks out gets hammered down.” Pretty self explanatory, the one who makes noise gets reprimanded. And a American culture that believes: “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” Meaning, the one who makes enough noise gets the attention. I was trapped in a valley between two seemingly insurmountable mountains. What I needed was a mentor to guide me along. Someone who understood my dilemma and could help me to navigate between the two cultures. I think that’s why I love to mentor people. Through building into the next generation, I get the opportunity to give to others what I so desperately needed by sharing not only the life wisdom I’ve gained, but also all the good that God has redeemed in me. It’s like I get to be a SIGNpost to others pointing towards the horizon of redemption on “the narrow road that leads to life” (Matthew 7:14).

Mentoring to me is one of those non-negotiable in life. Ideally, our earthly father should be the first one to be speaking truth and life into us. But, more often than not they fall short which is understandable, no body’s perfect. That’s why we need to be constantly seeking out others to mentor us. People who are concerned about building character and integrity into us while helping us grow emotionally and spiritually. Most of the mentoring I do would fall under the banner of spiritual direction which is a holistic approach to mentoring which includes counseling, discipleship, accountability, empowering and equipping, but leans heavily on spirituality. Jesus spent three years actively mentoring His disciples both through teaching and modeling. I like how Paul puts it, “Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1). Mentors should always lead by example. But, mentoring isn’t so much about duplicating yourself, it’s more about helping another be more fully themselves through you. It’s about partnering with Holy Spirit in solidifying and clarifying a person’s identity in Christ.

As I am writing this, I’m realizing that I am currently between mentors which means I need to start praying for a mentor to enter into my life. Whenever I seek to begin mentoring someone, I will always put it before the Lord and ask Him if it is time for me to take on another mentee and who that person may be. There are so many people whom I could be mentoring, that’s why I leave it up to the Lord to decide the person I’m to build into. He has never steered me wrong and I trust He never will. So, when I seek a mentor, I pray. Because the kind of mentor I’m looking for is a praying one. Someone who has one ear towards heaven (towards Holy Spirit) and one towards earth (towards me). Someone who is willing to take the time to come alongside me and who isn’t afraid to speak Truth and Life into me. Who do you know that could use a mentor? Do you?

Redemptive Relationships

March 25, 2010
EternityGraceLoveRedemption
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Friendships are important. When I think back on my life, what I remember most are my friendships. Sure, I may remember certain times and places, maybe things I’ve done (or wished I did). But most of all I remember the people who shared those moments with me. When I look through the photo album in my mind that stores the snapshots of my life, I see people because if we really boil it down, all we truly have in this life are our relationships. Now if I call myself a Christian, the Bible challenges me to make all my relationships redemptive ones. What is a redemptive relationship? It’s a relationship that always has eternity in view. Jesus was a man who lived His life on earth in this way. When Jesus talked to someone or touched someone He made an eternal impact on their lives. Sometimes it was for the better (those who accepted His message and believed), but other times it was for the worse (those who rejected His message). Either way, people left Jesus changed because redemptive relationships have eternal impact.

As followers of Jesus, being redemptive needs to be infused into who we are. It needs to be part of our spiritual DNA, so that no matter where we are, we will be living as God has called each of us which is to first and foremost love Him but also to love one another. When we are truly living out our faith, we will be caring for one another in genuine community as a family, uplifting the Body of Christ and we as God’s people will experience a deeper understanding of Christ’s love for us. When this happens, we will begin to see the deep need to be actively living redemptively in all our relationships because when we are, we will touch people’s hearts with the love of Christ. Now, if we are to be thinking redemptively, we have to remember that it’s our faith in Christ that activates love and empowers us through the Holy Spirit to be grace and truth to people. And when we are this way, people’s hearts will be refreshed which will not only bring renewal, but will also inevitably impact their lives with the transforming power of God’s love which will deepen their understanding of who God is and His love for all of us. This is what it means to be redemptive.

There’s a difference between counseling someone’s flesh and refreshing someone’s heart by encouraging their spirit. Encouraging someone’s spirit means washing them with God’s Word, but that doesn’t mean spiritualizing everything by giving Bible verses like aspirin. Sometimes being God’s Word to a person is what shows greater love. Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Sometimes a person just needs you to sit, weep and mourn with them. Just your presence speaks volumes. Being intentionally redemptive in a relationship also means not just dealing with a person’s behavioral or heart sins, life burdens, pains and fears, but also a person’s heart longings and desires. We all have deep longings and yearnings (wishes, hopes and dreams that long to be released from our hearts), but oftentimes they go unspoken or unnoticed because we can get so caught up in telling people how we think they should act instead of taking the time to draw out who God has called and redeemed them to be.

Now, on my journey with Jesus, He has taken me through the depths of my heart where I’ve had to be brutally honest with myself. Spiritual self-awareness is a blessing and whenever I’ve taken an honest look at my life, both in my heart and in my behavior that’s when change began to happened: that’s when redemption was able to take hold. This also meant allowing others to speak truth and life to me, even when it was hard to hear. Facing our fears can be terrifying at times, but on the flipside of our fears are the desires of our hearts. If you have a fear of being judged, your desire maybe to be known, to be heard, to be real, to be loved. If you have a fear of rejection, your desire maybe to be accepted, to belong, to be included, to be appreciated. If you have a fear of failure, your desire maybe to be recognized, to be valued, to be validate, to be a blessing. What this means within the context of a redemptive relationship is that we not only address a person’s fears, but we also draw out their desires. You nurture them, so that their desires become greater than their fears. Of course, I am talking about healthy and godly desires and not sinful ones. All of us have desires that God has put into our hearts and when we act redemptively in a relationship, we help draw out these desires. Proverbs 20:5 (TNIV) says, “The purposes of the human heart are deep waters, but those who have insight draw them out.”