Reminiscing about my HIGHschool years has brought me into my ever present longing to belong. The need to belong is inherent to what it means to be human. I mean think about how many years a child is fully dependent on their parents to feed, nurture and teach them about living. We are all born into a family: born into a place of belonging. As far back as I can remember I’ve had this longing, this need to feel like I’m included. Simply put, that’s what belonging is: feeling included, needed and wanted. Some of my deepest wounds in life have been those times when I was rejected, belittled or discarded.
Growing up in the United States during the early 70s wasn’t all that great a time if you were a minority. Especially for a little Chinese boy who longed to be American. It’s a strange feeling for me to me picked on for the way I looked because I never really thought I looked different enough to be made fun of. I can still remember the neighborhood kids singing songs and making up dances about my eyes and skin color, even my last name was fair game. <sigh> If I had to pinpoint a time when my inferiority complex was birthed, this would be it. I am so glad that “bullying” is talked about more openly today and pray that more and more kids would gain their voice. Something that I was never given the chance.
When fear, anger, disappointed and loneliness are left to grow unattended in a child this will breed both an inward and outward hatred and vengeance. The child will begin to hate both the perpetrators and themselves. The perpetrators for doing what they did, but also themselves for not doing what they think they should have done. An inferiority complex is a nasty stronghold that manifests itself in our thought lives which then begins to influence our behavior. Because we begin to believe the lies that – summed up say: “there is something terribly wrong with me and that there is no hope in every changing this. I will always be unlovable and screwed up.” Sound familiar?
Many people (including drug addicts and alcoholics) walk around with an inferiority complex that drives them to live joyless lives filled with hopelessness and despair (me included). But, God changed all of that because God changed me. The decision that has forever changed the course of my life was the day I surrendered my life to Jesus and began to follow Him: through Jesus I now belong to the family of God. He has helped me to STOP believing what others have said about me, even what I think about myself (which to be honest is not all that good) and has helped me to START believing what God thinks about me. The more I have experienced God’s unconditional love for me, the more His love has softened and healed my heart. Experiencing God the Father’s love has forever changed me because I now understand deep within my heart that no matter what happens to me in this life: I belong to Him for all eternity and nothing will ever be able to separate me from His love for me in Jesus: I belong.