Freedom Blog

Over the last few weeks as I have been journeying deeper into the Father’s heart. I’ve come to realize that I really enjoy the freedom to pursue God whenever and wherever I choose. I’ve been able to give this pursuit to experience the depths of the Father’s love my undivided focus. Now, if I had a wife and kids I probably wouldn’t have been able to devote so much time to this quest because as Paul discerningly explains: my family and the responsibility of leading and caring for them would take up a good portion of my time (1 Corinthians 7:32ff). Spending time with other people’s families has reminded me of this reality. So, long story short, I am learning to embrace the blessing of singleness. Does this mean that God has blessed me with singleness? Maybe.

To be honest, I’ve been avoiding this question for at least the last three years because I was afraid of the answer. On the one hand, I’ve burned with passion and on the other hand, I’ve feared being alone. But as my relationship with God has deepened and matured many of my youthful passions have exhausted themselves and I’ve become more comfortable with being alone because I’ve become more confident in my identity in Christ. Sure, there is still a loneliness in my heart, but over the years the Lord has become more and more my portion which has quelled this loneliness. I have come to cherish and even be satisfied with our time together by allowing His love to be enough for me.  

On deeper reflection, I really do spend most of my day being actively in love with Jesus. Rarely, is there a moment in the day that I don’t feel the Holy Spirit’s presence. From the time I wake up, He is on my heart. In the shower, He is in my thoughts. Whenever I eat, I am thankful for His faithful provisions in my life. When I exercise, He is there cheering and pushing me forward. Anytime I am outside, I stand amazed at the intricacies of creation and again He is in my thoughts. Work plays a big part in my worship to God because He builds Christlike character in me through it while giving me the opportunity to be salt and light to people. And, it is when I am around people that His presence is so very near to me because I feel His deep love for those with whom I am in relationship with. Then, at the end of the day, He is there again helping me take off the day’s burdens so that I may rest in Him.

Jesus has slowly become my all and all. My whole life now revolves around Him and to be honest: I’m not sure I want that to change. Does this mean that God has blessed me with singleness? I’m afraid to say yes, but the more I reflect on this the more I see that He has. So, maybe it’s time I accepted and pressed into this, instead of running from it. Even as I type this, I get this sense that I am surrendering into gain and not loss (though it feels like loss right now). If you’re reading this pray for me: pray that I would grieve well and that I would embrace the joy of surrender in the coming weeks. Peace to you and yours.

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This is probably the most terrifying thing to do because walking in brokenness means letting go of all the should’ve, would’ve and could’ves that we hold onto. Which for the most part is a good thing because living in regret can really hinder a person from launching into the future God has for them. Letting myself off the hook of regret was a huge milestone in my own journey in embracing more of God’s grace and future in Christ.

But, walking in brokenness also means letting go of all the little embellishments that we add onto our past. Those seemingly harmless extras that distort the playback of our memories where we are a bit more heroic or clever or witty or compassionate or loving or kind (you fill in the blank), so that we don’t feel as awkward or embarrassed about ourselves. Oftentimes, I do this to help cope with the sense of shame and disappointment that I feel with myself. These days, I am learning just how much harder it is let go of these exaggerations because it challenges me to face the naked truth about myself and pushing towards my brokenness.

God’s got me at a place where I am becoming more and more aware of my plastic self: the part of me that wishes that I wasn’t as broken as I am; the part of me that wishes that I was further along on this journey into redemption that I am. My pride refuses to acknowledge the reality that I am broken and my fear escapes into the make-believe land where I always win the girl, the argument and the race; where I am smarter than I am and know all the answers. That place in my mind where I always save the day because I am fearless and unstoppable. The place where I am invincible. This pretending which I sooth myself with is part of my soul sickness because it hinders me from truly loving and accepting myself as God loves and accepts me warts and all.

It’s not that God loves that I am dysfunctional, shallow, selfish and judgmental. He loves me because that’s who God is: God is love (1 John 4:16), but He loves me enough to not let me stay that way. God is passionate about forming Christ in me because the more I become like Jesus, the more I reflect His glory out onto a broken and lost world in need of redemption. But, I need to stop running from my brokenness and begin surrendering this make-believe world I escape into (which includes those tiny creative improvements I like to give myself). The flipside of all this is that: It’s in this place that I can experience an even greater depth of God’s grace and love that would have remained unknown to me, if I chose to go on pretending.

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Recently, I had the opportunity to add a post at my church‘s blog which I thought would be good to share here as well.

 What does it mean to eagerly await our Savior to return? (Philippians 3:20). Albert Borgmann in his book, Technology and the Character of Everyday Life, talks about the importance of focal practices where a focal practice has “centering and orienting force” (206). When the people of God gather around the Lord’s Table, it is a focal practice where when we can, not only proclaim the truth of Jesus’ sacrifice, but also of His return (1 Corinthians 11:26). If you’re like me, sometimes it’s really easy for me to reflect so deeply upon Jesus’ death that I forget that taking the bread and cup also proclaims the truth that He is coming back. Now, if we take the time to pause and connect with our Savior through the Holy Spirit in this focal moment, I believe He will not only refresh our faith, but also draw us into the depths of His heart.

 Over the last couple weeks, I’ve really enjoyed gathering around the Lord’s Table, both as a church and in small groups. Doing this has brought to the surface of my heart the deep longing to become the family of God that I know Jesus is transforming us to be. But, in order for this to happen, it means I need to own my brokenness. If you’re like me, then you know just how hard it is to stop denying and running away from the reality that, there are times when I am just plain clumsy at life (some days more than others). But, if I am to be caught up into the family of God, I need to stop projecting the image that I’m cool or that I’ve got it all together or that I don’t need anyone. This means embracing my brokenness, so that God can begin to heal me. It’s interesting how in order to break free of something, we first have to accept it as our own, instead of living in the denial of embarrassment by telling ourselves, “Oh that’s not me,” or “I don’t do that.” When we do this we reject the reality that we even need healing.

 The Lord’s Supper is a focal practice in which the very act of gathering around the Lord’s Table to take the bread and cup centers and orients us towards both Jesus’ sacrifice and His return. To broaden this a bit, Borgmann also talks about how the “great meal of the day, be it noon or in the evening, is a focal event par excellence. It gathers the scattered family around the table (204).”

I don’t know about you, but the fast food, “eat on the go” culture that we live in only perpetuates the scatteredness of my own life. And in many ways reinforces my relational disconnectedness because I am eating alone more and more. Now food plays a very important role in our lives. Eating is essential to human existence and is woven into the very rhythm of life. Not only does life happens around food, but most relationships begin, grow and deepen around eating. In a lot of cultures, most fellowship happens when people eat together. Eating together opens up opportunities for meaningful conversations to happen. Part of doing life together means eating together.

 That’s why I believe it is so important, if the people of God are to truly begin living as the family of God that we gather regularly around the Lord’s Table, as well as around the fellowship table to share more than just a meal with one another, but our very lives. Now, this means acknowledging each other’s brokenness, but also extending to each other as much grace as needed in order to overcome the dysfunction and awkward tension. It means taking a chance and beginning the journey down the road to be fully known and fully loved in which each table gathering can be a moment where we propel each other deeper into the loving spiritual community that the Holy Spirit is building for the glory of Christ. Though the meal may be the focal practice, we must always remember that: ultimately, it is Jesus who gathers His scattered family around His Table.

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Wow, I’m really exicted about the response to 4:20 Prayer so far. What really warms my heart is that people from all over are getting involved. The more this happens, the more I feel like “yeah, this can happen, together, we can really begin to make a difference in the lives of millions of people who are right now struggling to find hope.” Sure, it’s a monumental task, but I find comfort in this because it forces me to press that much harder into Jesus.

Now, the more experience that I gain in working with those struggling with addictions the more I am convinced that, sure counseling is good, as is mentoring, as is teaching life skills and acts of genuine kindness and compassion. But, at the end of the day, the bottom line is: God needs to move powerfully in their lives. God is the One who transforms lives by the power of His Word and Spirit as He raises up for Himself worshippers of Spirit and Truth (John 4:23).

The more that God gives me the opportunity to love and care for people, the more I am convinced of this. Transformation happens when God’s Truth and Life are spoken into a person’s life. If the people of God are to truly follow in our Lord’s footsteps in preaching good news to the poor,  proclaiming freedom for the captives and the oppressed and healing for the sick  (Luke 4:19). Then we need to ask God for a deeper sensitivity to the Holy Spirit and accept the cost for this sensitivity.

It may mean cutting out some of the noise in our lives. It may even mean tuning out some of the other voices in our lives. It may also mean drastically simplifying our lifestyles. Whatever it may be, I believe the cost is worth it. Think about it, to be able to impact a life for all eternity. Is there any greater satisfaction? Can there be any greater joy? Save finally embracing Jesus face to face. We have to live our lives from an eternal perspective. It’s when we don’t that the cost becomes too great.

So, begin asking God to bless you with a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. If things need to change in your life in order for you to receive this sensitivity, then ask God to begin moving you into a place of surrender and submission. As He does this, cling to Jesus with all you got and never lose sight of the goal at the end of this journey: that through you, Christ would be glorified in eternally transformed and redeemed lives.

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