So, I’ve been steadily keeping a Sabbath on Mondays for roughly a year now. I call it my “draw near to God” day. But, things have shifted in this past month and my “draw near to God” day has begun to decline and my Sabbath has been derailed from it’s steady course. I recently went to a conference where Heidi Baker was speaking, ever since then the integrity of my spiritual life has been challenged. What Mama Heidi spoke about was ministering in the strength of God and how “fruitfulness comes from intimacy with God.” I thought I had all of that and then some. But, as God has been challenging me on understanding His grace and my unconditional love for Him, this has revealed the deeper motives of my heart and the works righteousness that resides within. Let me expand on this.

What God has been revealing to me these past few weeks is that though I do walk in much of His grace, He has so much more for me that I refuse to accept because I want to show Him that I can do it. But, that’s my pride talking. I feel like I’ve been acting like that little child, who is constantly saying, “Me do! Me do!” Where God is saying to me, “Let me show you, let’s do it together.” Needless to say, these past few weeks have been really tough because I’ve come face to face with my arrogance which is really disheartening. Here I thought that I was being obedient, but maybe dutiful is a better word to describe my actions. So, on deeper inspection, this has sparked me to reflect on: What does it mean to draw near to God?

James 4: 6-10 says, “…⁶But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” ⁷Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. ⁹Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. ¹⁰Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up” (NIV). As I have been meditating and studying this passage, I’ve come to the conclusion that this passage is about repentance. So, in my wrestling, I’ve asked myself this question: What does living a repentant lifestyle look like?

I believe that the “Come near to God” that James is talking about here is about humbling ourselves before God and receiving His grace by submitting to His will and resisting the devil’s temptations. This means coming near to God by repenting for our sinful leanings (“washing your hands, you sinners” which alludes to external actions, and “purifying your hearts, you double-minded” which alludes to internal motivations) and in this way God comes near to us. For clarification, this is not in terms of our salvation (which comes through Jesus alone), but in terms of our relational fellowship with God. The more consistently we live repentantly before God, the louder and clearer we will hear His Voice in our lives. But, this also means embracing more and more of His grace. So, whatever it takes. James is insistent about the seriousness of sin and we should be too. Sin brings disaster and devastation to our relationship with God. When’s the last time you grieved, mourned or wailed sin?  

Douglas Moo (2000) insightful explains, “Christian joy can never be ours if we ignore or tolerate sin; it comes only when we have squarely faced the reality of our sin, brought it before the Lord in repentance and humility, and experienced the cleansing work of the Spirit” (James, p. 196). One of the joys of my new life in Jesus has been the many opportunities He gives me to pray for and with people. You could say this is part of my repentant lifestyle. For me, there is nothing more satisfying and fulfilling. Not only do I get to touch the Father’s heart through prayer, but the whole reason I pray for others is so that they can experience a greater sense of God’s unconditional love and be brought ever deeper into the Father’s heart.

So this is my prayer for you and me: “May we truly walk in the fullness of God’s grace for our lives and experience the immeasurableness of His unconditional love where we walk empowered to live a repentant lifestyle by actively greiving, mourning and wailing sin, so that we can feel, all the more, the sweetness of God’s grace towards us in Jesus as we humbly wait for Him to lift us up. In Jesus’ Name we pray, Amen.”