A NEW BEGINNING
by Gerald T. Ching
In the dark of the night
when all my defenses disintegrate on compassionate winds
and my soul rests in peaceful bliss,
I journey in my dreams to a star at the very center of the universe.
As the expanse across the bridge to that distant star shortens
and its glowing brilliance starts to encompass all that my eyes can see,
I feel all that has held me in fear dissipate
in the loving star shine – penetrating
the thick solid walls that have kept me
in false security for so long a time.
My soul that was a gift to me,
I have fed garbage all my life.
As my pride ruled supreme, my heart
quietly suffered, patiently waiting
letting my mind know on the need to know basis.
I have been caught
in the lies of a depraved world. The shadows of my past
finally converging with my present state of affairs,
filling the many gaping holes that riddle my soul,
making me face the consequences of sin.
My life passes into a panicked state.
What is going on with me?
My soul already knowing the score
screams and kicks in rebellion. My heart
knowing a secret waits for some final transformation
that may never arise, but still waits – hopeful.
With a stoutness, never giving up its dreams,
my heart holds on.
When I breathe my last breath, I will know the Truth.
When I cry out in sweet anguish to be taken home,
when my rebellion is made obedient,
when the darkness is overtaken by that brilliant Light –
in that final moment I will know the Truth.
But for now
with Beauty soothing the ugliness that was born in me and
that has become me, I am a seeker
left to wander this decaying world, in disarray.
Throughout the whole of my life I have been working so hard
to prove to everyone that they were wrong about me. This bitterness
has cost me. My arrogance has come at a price.
All the blood, sweat and tears that was shed for my cause
was poured out in meaningless rage. Not a day
was added to my life, not a hour
to my future, not a minute, to my cause.
In ignorance I pressed on
with pride blazing a path before me.
From the deepest and darkest places of wickedness that resides
within me, I struggle towards obedience
searching for freedom.
Shadow boxing in this prison
my heart, soul, and mind fight this transformation
while an all consuming jealous fire swirls purposefully, full of love
through all I am. Within this fire, this trueness,
my defenses are not needed and
no walls of solitude stand.
The compassion that oversees all in this gift of love
shines Its brilliance that warms the core of my exposed
heart and soul, lighting the way. Sorting
and filtering the negativity
that shatters me to my knees in brokenness.
Within this light love reigns above all
hand and hand with hope, in faith – together.
This Radiance overpowers the hatefulness that surrounds me
as I walk through life, finally
setting me free. Giving me the strength to look
into another’s eyes with unashamed love.
I have been humbled
to honesty mingle amongst all of you,
full of love and compassion – truly set free.