Category: Redemption

TRUE ✞= ♥ LOVE

March 8, 2010
GospelGraceJesusLoveRedemption
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God is love (1 John 4:16) and if Jesus is the exact representation of God (Hebrews 1:3) then Jesus also is love. So, His agreeing to go to the Cross for the sins of the world must be seen as a free act of unconditional love, both towards the Father and Mankind: ✞= ♥. 

I am longing more and more to love like Jesus. The deeper Holy Spirit takes me into Father’s heart, the greater the desire I have for selfless love. Just the other day, I was in the shower singing worship songs to God and praying (for me, showering the dirt off my body is always a good physical reminder of the spiritual reality that God is continually purifying my heart) when I felt Holy Spirit ask me: ” Are you satisfied with how you love people?” When I heard the question, I almost began to cry because truth be told, I’m not. I am so aware of my weak love and the desire to want to prove my love. But, true love is bold and never feels the need to prove itself because true love is secure and loves without question. True love just loves. That’s the kind of love that I see Jesus modelling when I read the Gospels. He engaged in relationships that transformed people: True love compels a person to risk and endure beyond themselves.

Prayerful intercession is an example of true love in action. When I pray for others, I am sacrificing my time (both with God and others) in order to cry out to God on behalf of another. Let me explain, I see prayer as a time to let God directly love on me. So, oftentimes I will spend most of my prayer time alone before God with an open heart and a quiet mind,  eagerly listening for His Words of grace and to feel His heart towards me. So, when I spend time in intercession for others, I sacrifice my time with God (where He loves on me) and with others (because I am alone). That’s why I believe there needs to be a good blend of talking with and listening to God. My times of listening fuel my intercession. The more that I understand God’s heart and mind towards me, the way He feels and thinks about me, the greater this increases my capacity for true love. His love sets my heart free.

I need to constantly remind myself that God knows all the burdens in my heart and life and that God not only loves me, but He likes me, too! He loves spending time with me. This is not to say that I don’t spend time telling Him my burdens, but I find it much easier to be in constant communication with God throughout my day, rather then at set times. When a situation arises I don’t wait to tell God about it later, I let Him know right there what’s going on with me in the moment and oftentimes I will ask Him to  intervene. So, in the moments that I actually get to be alone with God, I spend that time listening. I trust that He has heard every prayer offered to Him, either vocally, mentally or within my heart alone, so far in my day. I try to remember that God is God and that He does hear all my thoughts and heart cries and so I wait to hear His words of encouragement, guidance, comfort and blessing. I believe with all my heart that God desires good for His people, but too often we spend way too much time talking, rather than listening. 

In my desire to love more like Jesus, I believe that spending more time just listening to Father’s heart and mind towards me, the way He feels and thinks about me, will strengthen my weak love and lessen my desire to want to prove my love. I will just simply love. The more I receive God’s love, the more His love will transform my love to be more like His true love. How often do you spend time just letting God tell you just how crazy in love He is with you?

repentance, rest, quietness & trust

February 25, 2010
GospelGraceRedemption
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In the midst of an oracle of judgment against Judah, God reveals where true security comes from: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…” (Isaiah 30:15). But, Judah refuses to listen and ends up relying on military armaments (human strength), rather than on God (Divine strength). Needless to say, it doesn’t go well for Judah as the Southern Kingdom is eventually conquered and exiled to Babylon in 586 B.C. Over this past year, I’ve really come to value these four promises: repentance, rest, quietness and trust. Collectively, they encompass walking humbly before God. I call them promises because I believe that God grants them to me as gifts. But, what seems to consistently get in the way of me receiving these blessings is my fear and my pride.

The more I press into God’s grace and love, the more I am confronted with the reality that the only way to walk in the fullness of God’s grace and love is to walk humbly before Him. This means walking yielded to the Holy Spirit everyday, all day. But, I am proud and fearful. Proud in the sense that I want to prove to God that I can be faithful and that I can love Him unconditionally. Fearful in the sense that I am afraid of facing the hard truth that I’m not perfect and that even on my best day I still sin. What trips me up is that I’ve rationalized, even super spiritualized these pursuits thinking that I’m just trying to please God. So, I tell myself that I am capable of unconditional love and that I’m not so bad, that if I try hard enough I can have a perfect day. Who am I kidding?

But, in the midst of my struggle, the grace and love of God rises within me and reminds me that I don’t have to prove anything to God. He loves me, no matter what. What I’ve learned and am continually learning is that in order to embrace more of God’s grace, I need to embrace more of my brokenness. It is because I am imperfect that I receive God’s grace. So, letting God love on me means accepting myself and loving myself as God loves me, unconditionally. When I do this I will stop thinking I have to prove myself and I will slowly begin to accept myself just as I am. And why shouldn’t I, God does. He accepts me just as I am. That is an amazing truth. Even more, He blesses me with repentance, rest, quietness and trust. God’s desire to be in relationship with me is so much greater than mine. His desire to form Christ in me far surpasses my own. I need to remember that next time I feel like I need to be doing for God, rather than being with God.

That’s what repentance, rest, quietness and trust describe: being with God. When I am just being with God, I will be walking humbling before Him because I understand that He loves spending time with me, not because of what I can or can’t do, but because I am His beloved child. In essence, this means doing, in order to be. We turn away from temptation and sin, in order to draw near to Him (repentance). We take a break from our busyness and striving, in order to rest in His presence (rest). We tune out the noise of the world, in order to listen to His Words of grace towards us (quietness). We confess our unbelief and mistrust, in order to receive faith and healing (trust). God knows what we need in order to have a deep and vibrant relationship with Him, but we need to choose to receive His gifts of repentance, rest, quietness and trust. Help us Holy Spirit to receive more of God’s gifts and blessings into our hearts and lives. In Jesus Name, Amen.

Into Completion…

May 26, 2009
GraceRedemption
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I was riding in my sister-in-law’s car (in Texas) the other day and saw a bird catch a junebug in midair. Junebugs are pretty large, so it was really easy to see all the action go down (even though it was literally like a few seconds). I saw a junebug flying just to the right of the car when all of a sudden this bird comes swooping in like a missle. But, right at the last moment the bird pulls up and flutters in midair in order to nimbly pluck the junebug out of the air. I was really quite amazed at the deftness of the bird. It looked like the whole moment was choreographed. I even thought to myself, “Wow, that was amazing. I can’t believe I just got to see that happen.” Right in that moment, the Holy Spirit put this thought in my mind – “You are getting a glimpse into how God delights in His creation.”

On further reflection, I realized that the bird was doing exactly what it was created to do and that God delights in watching His creation act and be how He created them to act and be. Of course, I immediately related that to myself and began asking myself: “How closely am I acting and being how God created me to act and be?”

At first, I was like, now do I really want to go down this road because let’s face it, I’m complicated. Doesn’t God’s Word say that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). But, then again, I’m not sure the psalmist means that we are complicated in the sense that I am using the word. I’m complicated because my brokenness makes me hide, deny and lie. Though I’d like to think that I’m low maintenance, I imagine from God’s perspective, I am definitely high maintenance. But, I must never forget that because I am in Christ, God sees me and loves me as His child (1 John 3:1). He’s even given me the Holy Spirit to remind me of this (Romans 8:16). God is love (1 John 4:8,16) and He is patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4) with me. But He also disciplines me as any Father would their child (Hebrews 12:7-11).

But, back to the question at hand, “How closely do I act and be how God created me to act and be?” I really don’t think that this is a question that has a simple answer (but here goes). Initially, because of sin, I’d have to say no, not by a long shot. But, because of God’s grace and the redemptive work that He has begun in me in Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit, I’d have to say, “getting closer, day by day.” Philippians 1:6 says that God will finish the good work He’s begun in us (which includes me): His work of restoration, so that we will act and be more like He originally created us to act and be.  And that He will carry us into completion: This completion Paul is talking about is that one day I (we) will be just like Jesus (1 John 3:2), who is an example of humanity without sin (Hebrews 4:15).

So, instead of letting my fallen propensity for perfectionism lead me to micromanaging my sanctification (I’m pretty sure that’s not Paul means when he says to “work out your salvation with fear and trembling” Philippians 2:12). I am learning to embrace more of God’s grace everyday by doing what little I can each day in surrendering my will to God. I am learning that restoration is a lifelong process and that I need to have a realistic and sober-minded view in this as God is continually purifying my heart of sinful patterns. But, I also need to be doing all I can in guarding my heart (Proverbs 4:23). So, how am I acting and being as God originally created me to act and be? Because of Jesus – closer and closer everyday!

learning to embrace weakness

May 1, 2009
GraceJesusRedemption
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Since Jesus saved me, He has been saying these words to me: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). Now on this journey of faith, I haven’t ever really grasped the deepness of these words. Because if I had, I’d understand that wrapped up in this short truth statement is eternal protection and hope and at the core of Jesus’ words is the power of redemption. Now don’t get me wrong, over the years I’ve tried my best to walk these words out, but until recently (by God’s grace) I’ve come to realize that for the most part, I’ve been clueless. It’s funny, you’d think I’d be upset or disappointed, but I actually feel encouraged. Maybe its because I am finally understanding that 1) it’s not up to me to clear the path before me, but only to trust that Jesus is ever before me paving the way; and that 2) He is ever behind me cleaning up the mess that I make of things in my attempts to serve Him; and that 3) He is ever with me guiding me along through life as He prepares me to be with Him for all eternity. The more I embrace my weakness, the closer that Jesus draws me close.

Maybe, it’s just taken 10 years to sink deep enough into my heart where the way I live and plan my life is beginning to reflect this truth. These days, I’m not as worried about things as I was before and I’m especially not as worried of what other people may think of me. This has been so freeing. It’s like I’ve reached this place in my journey of faith where my desire to be faithful to God has grown greater than my desire to be make a name for myself. Let me explain. When I am concerned about making a name for myself I am more apt to: 1) seek other people’s approval; 2) be more concerned about my image; and 3) spend time worrying about the future. But, when my sole concern is about being faithful to Jesus, everything changes because I am then able to be more present with Him and can respond to Him from moment to moment. It’s not that I don’t make plans for the future, but that I entrust my future plans to Him and this makes me more available to Jesus in the day to day. It’s when I am distracted by my own personal ambitions and aspirations that God’s voice in my life fades which is a tragedy. A song that always ministers to me is “Above All Else” by Vicky Beeching. This song helps to bring me back to the reality that at the end of the day: It’s not about what I do for Jesus or about how He blesses or doesn’t bless me, but about Jesus Himself.

  above-all-else-lyrics

It’s in moments like this that the Holy Spirit brings me back to the simplest of truths where He refocuses my attentions back to where they should be: on the joy of spending time with Jesus, our wonderful and beautiful Savior King.

My Struggle

April 8, 2009
GospelRedemptionSpirit
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Over these past few months Jesus has been challenging me to really wrestle with this question: “Am I truly submitting to His lordship over my life and His headship over the church?” For me when I think lordship what immediately comes to mind is trust. When I am living a life submitted to the lordship of Christ, it means that I trust Jesus knows what’s best for me. Now, I’m not saying that I need to be at a place where I immediately accept and embrace everything Jesus brings into my life (if that were true, I’d probably be sporting a halo and have wings). No, what I am alluding to here is the resistance and doubt that I have in my heart when it comes to believing and waiting on His plans for my life. It’s when I try to circumvent or even try to answer my own prayers that I reject Jesus’ lordship over my life.

It’s the same with submitting to Jesus’ headship over the church. I was just talking with a fellow brother about his church back in Australia which is a “Presence” driven church. This resonates with me. A “Presence” driven church actively moves in the gifts of the Holy Spirit and allows Him to orchestrate the flow of the service.  I do feel like part of the process of submitting to Jesus’ headship over the church is to be more “Presence” driven. My only concerns are (and this is what I am wrestling in my heart about) “Am I fearful of giving up control of the Sunday gathering because I want to be in control?” Now this can flesh out in a variety of ways: 1) I’m afraid of chaos happening; 2) I’m afraid that the Word will get lost; and 3) I’m afraid of what may happen (supernaturally). Now what these three concerns have in common are: mistrust and control. So, again I am drawn back to submitting to the lordship of Christ (trust) and headship of Christ (control). Of course both of these issues could be interchangeable with control being at odds with lordship and trust hindering headship.

So, where to from here? I’m still in process, but, bottom line, I know that these are good wrestlings. And no matter how long I wrestle, I know that I am growing and maturing in this process. A friend said to me once, “Struggle is good, it’s when there’s no struggle that we should be concerned.” Now, how I’ve always interpreted this is: Struggle shows that I am either in the process of transformation or that I have been transformed by God and am now in the process of walking in that transformation by struggling to not revert back to my old ways of living. It’s when I’ve either grown complacent where I am completely uninterested about being transformed by God or when I have given into my carnal selfish desires which hardens my heart and makes me indifferent and unresponsive to God’s movements of redemption that struggle ceases. This is when there needs to be concern. But, when there’s struggle, this means I am actively joining with Jesus as He fights for my freedom.

Learning to walk in brokenness

April 1, 2009
GospelLoveRedemption
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This is probably the most terrifying thing to do because walking in brokenness means letting go of all the should’ve, would’ve and could’ves that we hold onto. Which for the most part is a good thing because living in regret can really hinder a person from launching into the future God has for them. Letting myself off the hook of regret was a huge milestone in my own journey in embracing more of God’s grace and future in Christ.

But, walking in brokenness also means letting go of all the little embellishments that we add onto our past. Those seemingly harmless extras that distort the playback of our memories where we are a bit more heroic or clever or witty or compassionate or loving or kind (you fill in the blank), so that we don’t feel as awkward or embarrassed about ourselves. Oftentimes, I do this to help cope with the sense of shame and disappointment that I feel with myself. These days, I am learning just how much harder it is let go of these exaggerations because it challenges me to face the naked truth about myself and pushing towards my brokenness.

God’s got me at a place where I am becoming more and more aware of my plastic self: the part of me that wishes that I wasn’t as broken as I am; the part of me that wishes that I was further along on this journey into redemption that I am. My pride refuses to acknowledge the reality that I am broken and my fear escapes into the make-believe land where I always win the girl, the argument and the race; where I am smarter than I am and know all the answers. That place in my mind where I always save the day because I am fearless and unstoppable. The place where I am invincible. This pretending which I sooth myself with is part of my soul sickness because it hinders me from truly loving and accepting myself as God loves and accepts me warts and all.

It’s not that God loves that I am dysfunctional, shallow, selfish and judgmental. He loves me because that’s who God is: God is love (1 John 4:16), but He loves me enough to not let me stay that way. God is passionate about forming Christ in me because the more I become like Jesus, the more I reflect His glory out onto a broken and lost world in need of redemption. But, I need to stop running from my brokenness and begin surrendering this make-believe world I escape into (which includes those tiny creative improvements I like to give myself). The flipside of all this is that: It’s in this place that I can experience an even greater depth of God’s grace and love that would have remained unknown to me, if I chose to go on pretending.